What I find so frustrating is if you read his posts he is making my mind up for me. He has no idea how I feel, he never asks me and he never talks to me so how would he know? I tell him all the time over and over but he dosen't listen to what I say and then makes things up in his head about what I think or how I feel. He admits doing it and says he is going to stop assuming but does he? No. He just did it in his post last night again, he had no idea what I am thinking or how I feel and I don't tell him anymore because it is a waste of time it does nothing, he dosen't hear me and dosen't seem to care at all because he just keeps doing the same things over again and again. It is ridiculous.
If I hated him would I still be there? He says he is going to and wants to use me as support but never talks to me or asks anything ever. He says he loves me and needs me and wants me but stays as far away from me as possible, does not initiate a damn thing ever and rejects me still.
He acts like a selfish brat to be honest and I get that he says he feels shame and does not know how to cope with it, well use the tools available then, figure out how to deal with it. Try at least, really try not just say you are going to try actually do something. Maybe he dosen't want to do anything, I don't know but if that is the case then that is a whole other problem. I refuse to be his sister, roommate, buddy, whatever, I am his wife and if he does not want a wife then so be it and say that then.
A wise woman on here says there is a difference between shame and guilt and I 100% agree with her. Shame is still selfishness somewhat and making it all about yourself where guilt is different, it is about how you feel about what you have done that has affected others.
Here is an article that explains the difference:http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/shame-and-guilt/
Not sure where to go from here honestly but I am not ignoring the problems and his behaviours which he seems to think is ok. I will not engage with him until this is sorted out and I have said this a ton of times before so it's not like I have not set my boundaries and consequences before, I refuse to be treated this way and I have told him this. It is not right and I am a person, one that is supposed to be important to him. If he dosen't want to be with me then why won't he just say that then.
I just read his post and even that is frustrating to me. He says there are so many things I do and so many ways that I am that please him yet I won't accept his compliments. What compliments? If he ever says anything it's good morning cutie or good morning beautiful by a text message. That does not count, what is that? Plus none of his actions back up anything. A compliment is not something that needs to be pryed out of you, I should not have to ask for them or try and figure out what he is thinking all of the time. If I try and find out what he is thinking I end up with nothing because he shows no emotions at all. I have no idea what he is thinking, wanting, needing, liking, hating, desiring I don't have a clue and never do. A compliment is not valid if it is forced or if I have to ask for one. It is given freely because you feel something or think something or like something. He gives no compliments, he never talks to me.
I am tired of reading how he is so sorry to have ruined me and my life, tell me to my face then if you are so sorry. Do something about it then, make amends. So now he has bought a notebook to write in well that is good I guess but how is that talking to me? Writing on here is not talking to me, doing his workshop is not talking to me, writing in a notebook is not talking to me. Sure all of those things are wonderful to do and I am sure may help but they are not addressing the problems he has with me. It is still not including me in his life, it is still shutting me out. It is fantastic that he writes all these things about me on here as well as other things but not good that he dosen't share them with me ever. It is also not good that he writes how I feel and how I think yet never even asks me so how would he know? He does not talk to me, he does not touch me, he does nothing with me. So how in the world would he know anything about me? I try and talk to him but he does not listen when I do or absorb anything I am saying, he dosen't even pay attention. Tries to change the subject all the time, makes excuses, twists my words, makes up my mind for me, takes what I say and turns it into whatever he wants to hear. I am not a nasty person, I am not asking for insane things. I am a good person and I deserve to be loved and listened to and talked to, that is all I have ever asked for and wanted. I do not want to be last in my husband's mind and thoughts, I do not want to be avoided and shut out, and it hurts to be rejected all the time by him.
I am very frustrated and stressed because of this and it is out of my control.