Feed the Right Wolf

The good news is that you only have to stay sober today. Take it one day at a time and you'll start building more sobriety and clarity.

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Yeah Absolution my friend.. I know one day at a time is all I have to work on. So far everything is going great.

Bcuz of my preparations for exams I have switched myself like an owl. I Sleep in day and study whole night. As its lonely and so much of silence which gives a better concentration. But let me admit its also a very dangerous period for my slips as I am all alone with my classes running online, I can be slipping in just few clicks.

Well so far I am strong and nothing will let me slip. Although few days back I did had a very strong urge to look into P. I literally opened a P site and as it was going to be loaded I closed it asap and opened this forum. That was the weakest moment for me since my last relapse of looking into P. But all is safe now.

Now I know what I have to do when I have urges. Simply open this forum and start reading posts. This is a very good practice for me to stay away from my cravings.

Day 6th of sobriety.!

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Day 19th since I last MB &
Day 9th since I last slipped into P.


Well the positiveness in me is really high and its true that after achieve a certain period of sobriety we become mentally strong to control our urges. I know 19/9days are not enough but they are better than those daily acting outs. I haven't had any cravings lately but still I am trying to keep myself more mentally strong. Watched a movie few days back which had some strong content, previously that could have lit a fire to my urges but this time nothing happened. Still i shldn be careless and will be avoiding such materials from next time. Hoping for good days ahead.

Subscribed to a daily accountability pack @ Habitforge.com and will reach that Day21 target for sure.
Good luck to you all for your recovery. Adios.!

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Hi Flit,

It's great you're working on your accountability. any sobriety is good; keep focusing on one day at a time.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hey Flit

I'm happy to hear about the progress you've been making. Excellent observations to realize what can throw you into temptation. It seems to be significant to be mindful of what our triggers are, and be honest about them and avoid them!

Best of luck.

Matt

Day 25th/15th.!

Good to see many new journals out here, a positiveness is flowing around this forum with all the new joiners.

15days since I last hooked myself into that sin and 25th since last acting out. Wasn't able to journal much due to all hectic schedule and preparations for my exams. Got very little time for myself. Being busy is one of the key tool to keep yourself away from any sort of relapses as your mind is always doing something and there is very little time for any of these addictions to pop in. 

These days weren't so good to be proud of. Have had many urges, although I fought back everytime and succeeded.
Even though I Wasn't journaling I came to forum everyday just to read posts. Due to lack of time I really wasn't able to write handful of things. But to repel myself from all those craving the visits were necessary. So far I am good but I am really worried about the upcoming days.

I live with my parents and my whole family is going out of city for a couple of weeks. Previously when I was addicted(I guess now as I am recovering.. So i shouldn't be calling myself an addict..lol), this situation used to my opportunity to view P&M as much as I can. Now the same scenarios is out here and I fear about the possible triggers and the strong urges I am gonna have. So, what I have decided to keep myself safe for this whole period is that I'll journal DAILY as soon as I go home alone. Even if it would be for just saying "hi" I'll be here.!!

I can't really say I am any recovered even after 25/15days because the main reason for my sobreity has been my busy schedule and my rigorous study. Although I can say I have started controlling my cravings. But I'll only get to know about my progress on recovery once I get all free from everything, as that will be the only time when my mind would be free to think about anything. If I can control myself that time then would only be the time I'll call myself recovered.

Hoping for that day to be sooner. Good luck to you guys for your recovery.

And thanks @Absolution for the support &

@Matt.. Seriously saying one should be aware of their weaknesses and the triggers which can lead them to relapse. Triggers can be very silly things. But have to be aware of them. I would suggest you to read SAA literature about the inner and outer circles. That will surely help you with your recovery process. Good luck with your recovery.

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Flit
This is very important to understand-

I can't really say I am any recovered even after 25/15days because the main reason for my sobreity has been my busy schedule and my rigorous study.

Recovery after 15 days is impossible. You have been doing porn for years, so 15 days sober is great, but its not recovered.
Focus on the actual recovery process. Do not be fooled.
Keep up with the fight to succeed. Turn that 15 days into 1500 days
Peter

Hey Peter.. Thanks for your insight on my post. Well I have been sober for 120+ days before so I don't really care about being sober for any days. What I am struggling for is the recovery as even after being so long sober previously I ended being caught up with this addiction. So sobriety can't really be a sign of recovery. The reason for my previous sobriety was my healthy behavior. I used to gym alot so those were keeping me away from such things. But as soon as I stopped working out to focus on my studies I found myself in this addiction again.!! I was like a dry drunker (as quoted by Absolution previously).
Recovery is all I am striving for right now.!

And, obviously Peter I'll surely make 1500days soon.

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Day 28th/18th.

Too much stress.!! From last few weeks studying 12-14hours a day. The syllabus doesn't seems to get over any soon. Days are going to be like this for next 3months. Life is going to be like hell. It was 31st night when I last stepped out of my house. Phew.! Still I don't feel like going out as there is hell lot to study. Not keeping up good with my sleeping and rest. Covering my sleep in day 'n noon and studying whole night. Stress is all around.

I know stress is one of the main trigger but i can't really help myself getting out of this stress. As worked really hard the whole goddamn year for this exam. Only few more months of studies and I will be the man I want to be. Course is freakin' tough. But no excuse as have to work harder.

I should admit that this stress has actually ignited few cravings in me but so far I'm good. I have kept coming back to the forum to read the other journals and get inspired and refocus on my goal by making myself realize again and again as what I am fighting against.

During the break time from studies was watching the series "Band of Brothers". I regret for not watching this before. The whole story has changed something in me and inspired me to do something good for myself and others. One of the best mini series I have ever watched.

Home alone for last 4days. Loving this moment. Helper is really taking good care of me. Thanks to him.

Good luck with your recovery guys.

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Having hard time keeping myself together right now. Don't know what triggered me this time. Unable to focus on my studies, can't waste time. Already took a long walk and now reading all the journals and posting in most of them. Hope this phase shall pass soon. Its been more than two weeks since I looked into P and I am doing pretty good so far and feeling good about myself. I can see and feel the change in me and in my thought process. Can feel a difference in my health as its been almost a month since I MB'ed. I can feel the positive energy flowing in me. Can't afford to loose this feeling on some moronic disgusting stuff.

Sometimes I find questioning myself (when I'm triggered) as what could go wrong if I just give few momentary glances into P and the answer comes out to be "Nothing". But that "Nothing" brought me here today and screwed my whole life. I will keep myself as strong as I can. Relapse is not an option for me. I have to change my life and look towards a brighter side of myself. I want to stand confident and healthy both physically and mentally. I'll cure myself and I know I can.!!

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution