Oh you are so not alone wives! Reading some of the stories reminded me of mine. I knew my husband had a porn problem before we got married, but he didn't make it seem like it was a big deal and he assured me that he would never look at it again. It was a couple months after we were married, he confronted me about his ongoing issue. He was on the verge of getting kicked out of school because he had been caught looking at porn so many times on there monitored computers. I felt like my whole world had just fallen out from under me. I felt betrayed, used, cheated and everything else that is possible to feel. He cried and said it would never happen again. Needless to say over the course of the next 5 years it was the story of our lives.... lies and broken promises. I was completely crushed by the lack of trust there was in our relationship. I would have gut feelings that things weren't going right even if I couldn't find any trace of porn. I would ask him how he was doing (lovingly). And he would look me straight in the face and tell me he was doing really good and had no mess ups, only to find out latter that he was lying through his teeth. He would also swear on the heads of our children and everything we hold dear that he would be clean, put to no prevail, he would always mess up again.I love him to death and he is an amazing person, but with two identities. One of the things I hate most is that I feel like I have established two identities too. I have one side of me that would do anything for him and loves him, and the other side that despises and hates what he has done and has put me through. Over the course of these last couple years I have become more educated about the problem. I've learned that there is an actual physical change that happens in there brains, so its impossible for them to "just quite". It is a true addition that they have to really work to gradually get out of. Something else I've learned, that I still struggle with, is that when he looks at porn its not because I'm not good enough or he doesn't love his family enough, its his ADDICTION that over powers him when he's stressed, bored, lonely or what ever. I understand this but its still so hard to cope with, because to me its a direct attack. I compare my body with those he looks at, and believe me after having two kids, its not the same. Something that we have both learned and are still obviously working on is being completely open with each other. He admits to the problem, he wants to change, he NEEDS help...thats a hard one for guys, he's willing to do what ever it takes to get over it, and he has to be honest! I heard from a counselor once that porn addicts are the best liars there are. This last year has been the best yet. He has been clean for most of it. What I have come to discover is that it hurts me more when he outright lies to me and so good that it makes me doubt myself and my evidence, than him looking at the actual porn. So in our relationship we are working on 100% honesty. I told him I KNOW you will mess up again because this is an uphill battle that will take time, I KNOW I will be hurt and I might not want to talk to you for a day, but I will get over it. And, I KNOW that when you come to me and let me know that you are struggling and you are being honest about it, it will build my trust for you, and it will also help you gain the strength to overcome. You have to fight this battle together! Husband and wife need to team up to get this crap out of there lives! Porn has been a huge trial in our lives, but at the same time when we chose to fight it together it draws us closer to one another as husband and wife. Don't give up! It's amazing for me to look back at our progress and see how far we have come..Together. Porn is degrading, fake and filth, it doesn't help anyone. It is crippling and destructive to family units. As women we can make a stand!