Feed the Right Wolf

Day 19

I've noticed that my urge to m/o is getting stronger than wanting to watch porn. This afternoon I felt such an urge that I almost give in to m/o, it's not actually that I have any kind of fantasy in my mind or that I feel like watching porn -in fact, the sole idea is repulsive, because I so wanna make it without it.. however, m/o... OMG! it feels like I want to explode...

I didn't give in though... I started breating deeply and thinking about something else, so I have improved in changing my focus so the urge fades away, and I do it out of my knowledge that masturbation leads to porn watching sooooo easily!

Later, I went to the gym, walked under the rain and right now, I am still working on something in my pc, just an hour more before I hit the bed. No urges, not temptations, it feels great to feed the right wolf.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

I recognize that I am addicted, and that, porn addiction is somewhat a disease that I need to be aware of...

However, today it was my day 21 (They say it takes at least 21 days to form a habit)

And I'm happy to say, and recognize to myself that, despite some urges, I really refuse to the idea of watching porn again.

Life is much more organic, much more exciting, much more alive, than just grossy images on a computer screen!!

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Hi yosoy,

Happy for you that you are doing good on your recovery. But please don't get complacent that you are doing good. The bad wolf is right there waiting. It is always waiting for the right opportunity. Never give it any chance, and the only way not to give any chance is to keep your guards on and high always. I just relapsed getting more over confident.

Am not discouraging you, just warning you. 21 days may be good enough to form a habit. But what here we are dealing with is not a habit, but a addiction, that's quite different i think. Good Luck with you.

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Last day PMO - 08/05

Hi cojerc,
I understand. That's why I recognize myself as an addict. Addictions really never get "cured" so I know this is an everyday choice as to right now what do we prefer to do... feed the right wolf... or the bad wolf?

I guess that rather than being over confident I am celebrating the fact that my urges, up till now, haven't been strong despite I usually spend the whole day working on my computer.... however, I am aware and still doing ERP when I feel tempted, to m/o because until now, the idea of watching porn is repulsive to me.

My addiction kinda turned into an habit. Reached to a point where I wasn't even turned on to watching porn, it was like a robotic habit to just sit down and start downloading pictures and watching videos whitout me even feeling excited.

I am sorry for your relapse. Whoa!! 40 days!! Thank you for the reminder, you are right!! I am learning from it just by putting myself in your shoes. Don't feel bad, however; the important thing is to stand up and keep on; the important thing is to recognize oneself as an addict and struggle to control it, not letting it get over us.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

day 24

After a very hectic and productive week...this was an excelent weekend I spent with my family and some new friends. We spent the whole saturday at a museum. Saturday night I met someone special which made my heart sing.

And I feel great. Going out and socialize and make new acquaintances is one of the greatest advantages of staying sober.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Hi YoSoy,

It's great you got out and met someone, and had a good weekend. Keep moving forward!

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Day 25.

At the office it was a little bit frustrating not to have anything to do, so I spent the whole morning just browsing the internet (nothing porn related obviously)

Then I started perusing about a project I am working on. I have really a lot of fun things to do.

In the afternoon, it was another family time. Spending time with my sister and nieces is, however exhausting, lots of fun!! I played with my niece trying superheroes masks on, my 5yo niece really loves me as much as I love her.

Later, I went out with a dear friend who I talk about everything with. It was a very nice evening and I talked to her about my day 25 sober.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Day 28

My sister and daughters have come over to stay home during the holidays... (2 weeks since last monday)

This has been great because I am spending time with them and it's much easier to stay free of temptations. It's not that easy in the sense that I like to be alone even just for an hour for meditation and stuff and with them here is really not possible. However, it's a change in routine which I think is healthy, mostly because I love my girls.

I feel proud of myself staying off porn, m/o for almost a month!

Loving my rebooting process so far.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Whooo-hooo!!

Celebrating I've been a month sober!!! 30 days!!!

I must say the mind is tricky. Last night while I was taking a shower I felt such a big urge to masturbate. (which would break my 100 days without porn, m&o) some kind of voice in my mind saying "come on, you deserve it after 30 days, it will do no harm" I was really turned on, however, I started to breathe, and stopped it. "IT's going to be 100 days, and so be it" I thought...... And my urge faded away.

30 days... whoa!! I'm happy!

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Good job YoSoy!!!

What you described about the mind being tricky is very common... a lot of addicts here and in my SAA group have relapsed right after hitting a milestone in sobriety, and I'm glad you haven't. Stay vigilant, though; a month is certainly something to be proud of, but I'm sure a year feels a lot better

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore