What tool would that be that only allows 5-10 sites? That would be a lot better for me. Right now I am using K9 which does the opposite: allows everything but sites I have blocked, and every now and then I find explicit images that go unblocked. There is one site in particular that is a different kind of URL and cannot be blocked, I've tried and it always works. If I could just allow my email, the weather, and maybe one or two other important sites, and have the rest of the internet off limits I would feel better. But I don't know of any filters that work this way--that is, only allowing 2 or 3 sites and blocking the rest.
You can probably use this to block off the internet except a white-list of "right wolf approved" sites.http://lifehacker.com/397786/kid+proof- ... teadystate
I've acted out three days in a row now after making it over a week without even masturbating. The fact that it is a religious weekend does not make a difference--it doesn't matter to my brain what the day or occasion is, it just craves the dopamine and I have been giving in. The only thing I can take solace in right now is that a fellow addict called me last night because he was thinking of acting out, we talked for a bit and he said he felt better and was going to bed. He has made it 3 weeks without acting out (he is addicted to other sexual behaviors as well as porn).
This makes me happy; I keep screwing up over and over, but at least I am helping someone else stay sober. This is how I want to lead my life, instead of thinking how I can stay sober, and about what I need to do to have a successful life, I should focus on how I can help others do the same. I don't even want to go to my meeting today, but I know that the other members need me there to share my experience with them. If I can help anyone else after the meeting, that is reason enough for me to go.
This is great that you want to help others learn from your experience.
On this note, I have decided not to pursue this girl I was interested in. We had started to talk about meeting for drinks, but I know I am not in a position to date right now, I am deep in addiction right now and I occasionally find myself have romantic fantasies about her as well as objectifying her. She shouldn't have to put up with this, just because I am hurting myself doesn't mean I need to drag someone else into this. This really hurts to do because I would love to date her, but the thought of looking at porn behind her back and lying to her is just too much--it would be selfish to date her in this addicted state. I cannot make smart decisions about women right now, I cannot see them for who they are, and I am unable to evaluate them based on their personality or they compatible we might be--all I can do is think about having sex with them. I am not going to text her anymore and I will politely decline a date if she brings it up. She might think I no longer like her, but the truth is is that I am doing this because I like her.
This might not the best solution for this situation. Avoiding dates will make you more of a 'shut-in' and more vulnerable to addiction which is bad for you. Nobody I met was perfect and you are not watching content because you're a misogynist, you are doing it like you said, cause your brain craves dopamine. I suggest you start dating, it would be good for you in the long run, like we all know, we'll always be recovering and we should not put our lives on hold forever.
After dating her for awhile you can tell her that you watch porn x times a week and see how she feels about it.
It is going to be a while before I can think about dating and marriage as something God wants me to do
I think you already think of it partially that way and partially because you are programmed to enjoy sex. Just remember that you cannot expect women to want sex every day and you'll be fine. Work on that as well and be kind to your new girlfriend when you find her.
Wanting to have lots of sex with her is fine as long as you don't force yourself when she is not interested and just go out and do other stuff like work out or meet with friends.