Feed the Right Wolf

Daily Checklist:
Good sleep
Checked forum
Convene with higher power
Checked website analytics
Read domaining newsletter
Read Green Book
Breathing while getting ready for work

Strong Emotions That You Felt During the Day:
Sadness
Contentment
Calm
Annoyance
Satisfaction

Strong Negative Believes that Were Affecting Your Day:
Co-workers slacking on their tasks earlier in the week made my tasks today much more difficult, I tried not to blame them or be assumptive. Maybe they had bad days or have other issues going on.

How did you get out of Isolation/ Improved your Social Skill today:
Tried to smile more when talking to co-workers, maintain eye contact and listen more actively.

Anything Positive that You Learned/Experienced Today:
I always feel great leaving the house in the morning, my girlfriend says goodbye at the door and makes our dog wave to me when I leave. It's one of many things that makes me feel really important to her.

Things You are Thankful for Today:
I'm thankful I have a great girlfriend, great job, place to live, reliable car and great family and friends. I'm thankful I stopped drinking and am on track to recover from sexual addiction.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

This is pertaining to my day yesterday, I was slacking last night and didn't post in this journal even though I planned on it:

Daily Checklist:
Need to get better sleep
Convene with higher power many times throughout the day
Checked website analytics
Read domaining newsletter
Read Green Book
Breathing while getting ready for work

Strong Emotions That You Felt During the Day:
I felt a lot of anger yesterday, I was swinging my car around to park in a spot at work and someone who was driving very fast through the parking lot almost hit me, and even sped up instead of being courteous by slowing down to let me park. Then he stopped and yelled out of his car window like he hadn't done anything wrong. I got extremely mad and got out of my car ready to fight if I saw the guy (I knew who he was but hadn't ever talked to him at work before, and had already got the feeling he was pretty much an a**hole from previous observations). I didn't see him again yesterday but I continued to let myself be very bothered and angry. I realized I was holding on to negativity but it was really hard to let it go for the next couple hours. Eventually I called my girlfriend and talked to her about how I was feeling and along with breathing that really helped me let go and I felt much better.

Strong Negative Beliefs that Were Affecting Your Day:
I took the previously described incident personally, even though in truth it wouldn't have mattered who I was and that I can't feel responsible for someone reacting negatively when I was at no fault.

How did you get out of Isolation/ Improved your Social Skill today:
I have been trying to say hello to strangers more than I normally have, and avoid looking down when I walk in public.

Anything Positive that You Learned/Experienced Today:
It felt good to be able to let go of negativity. I am learning to identify where my emotions are coming from and deal with them, something I've neglected to do in the past and has caused a lot of problems.

Things You are Thankful for Today:
I'm thankful I have a great girlfriend, great job, nice place to live, reliable car and great family and friends. I'm thankful I stopped drinking and am on track to recover from sexual addiction.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Good to read your journal and see you doing well. Hopefully i can work on my recovery the way you are doing .
About that negative thing about the car guy , it happens with everyone . Even i sometimes get irritated on certain things and stay mad at them for hours . And yes its difficult to let go of that negativity.

But I would like to share one of the things i have learnt to let go of negativity and stay happier most of the times. Most of the time our mind is occupied about something that happened in the past or something which might happen in the future.
Yes sometimes those past/future thoughts can be good like fond memories or expectations about something bright in the future. But most of the times past/future thoughts bring pain , sadness and all unwanted feelings of negativity.
So one should always try to live in the present , more specifically present moment. Like in your case you were a you were angry at a thing from your past (not exactly past but it was not the exact present moment either ). If you could try and focus more on your present moment then perhaps you would not have felt that anger for long.
I must say you did well though and got out of that feeling quickly. But i would suggest you to try and practice the habit of living in present moment as it will truly help you to enjoy the beauty of the present moment one is living in .

Hope you would find it useful

Your Friend
Nick

_________________
Sober since 12th April
Having good thoughts or bad thoughts do not define a person its how he reacts to them is what defines him.

Thank you, being more present is exactly the remedy, and it helps with every aspect of being. I read your post before I went to work, Nick, and it helped remind me of where to focus.

I think I'm going to be more free-form with journaling. While I appreciate the benefits of structure and routine, I also think I understand that's really not how my mind works and just writing would be a better fit for me.

Today was good. I woke up and jumped on the forum, did my normal morning stuff and my girlfriend made me the best breakfast burrito ever. Work was hectic and demanding, lots of things came up randomly but overall it was a good day and it's helpful to have to think on my toes at times. I didn't get much of my normal daily work done but the mix was nice.

Interactions with co-workers were great and I was definitely very present. Looking people in the eye and more actively listening has made conversation much more enjoyable.

I didn't really have anything negative going on today, other than not feeling great physically. I went through a period of not eating regularly / not eating enough / not eating very healthy and I think my body is still trying to find equilibrium. Meat sounded good a few times recently so I think my vegetarian diet lately has lacked iron (since I go heavy on protein always) so I upped my intake of iron supplement and hopefully that will help.

I'm thankful for everything.

Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Good to hear that you enjoyed your day by focusing more on present moment.

And yeah even i agree about free-form of journal writing as that`s how my mind works too .

Nick

_________________
Sober since 12th April
Having good thoughts or bad thoughts do not define a person its how he reacts to them is what defines him.

Yesterday was a great day. Last Thursday at an SAA meeting they said they really needed a volunteer to run meetings in May on Thursday nights and no one volunteered, so I did. Last night was the first SAA meeting I ran. It was a book discussion and only 3 other people showed up, and we started reading where we left off last Thursday. I shared my thoughts on the reading, then another member who had been in the program for years shared his, then the other two people shared they were really having a hard time lately and although they were not new to SAA they had not been to a meeting in months. Both expressed that they had recently considered suicide, so we shifting the meeting to a check-in and just shared. I know it helped both of the people having a hard time and it helped me too.

Word was hectic and again I had a hard time not feeling negative about others not doing their small daily tasks, which means I have to do more than my share. I actually talked to a co-worker and he said that this happens often, that people slack off. I know we have a really heavy workload and I am trying to be more understanding.

Things at home have been great, my girlfriend and I have been communicating really well and she is my biggest inspiration and is incredibly supportive despite being so negatively affected by me in the past. Having her believe in me after everything I've done means the world to me and that's what I've been most grateful for

Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

I lead my last group of the month tonight, and came to a realization. I have been trying to be less judgmental of people in my everyday life, and as we read one member's story, I was able to draw a strong parallel.

The story starts with the member explaining that he would urinate in bottles and bury them under his house, and that he considered that his first "acting out". I, along with everyone in the group, didn't understand how that could possibly be considered acting out or even considered sexually gratifying. However, we didn't pass judgment. I realize that the connection the group members feel toward one another is because we all have something in common and can at least partially relate to any type of acting out, without judgment, even if we can't see ourselves ever doing certain things. What I came to understand is that this same concept applies outside of the group... we are truly all connected, we are all human, all alive, all the same. There is no living thing that you absolutely nothing in common with. If I do not judge people with sexual addictions, then why should I be judgmental of people without them?

I am going to try to apply this idea in my life and hope to experience more clarity and serenity, even outside of my sexual issues.

Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hey nice thought .
I totally agree with you. In fact accepting people the way they are and not trying to judge them might be a great way to make peace with them and within ourselves as well.

_________________
Sober since 12th April
Having good thoughts or bad thoughts do not define a person its how he reacts to them is what defines him.

Hey Absolution (:
how's your recovery coming along?

For me, I just fell two days in a row after being 10 days sober. I'm very sad I fell,
but I am glad that you have been supportive and mostly a nice friend on the site.

Since you are part of the 12 step groups, Do you have any literature you personally
think I should read, and also can you give me some advice for my recovery.
What are some common mistakes people make, things you hear at your meetings?
I want to be fully equipped for the next 10 days of Sobriety! That's my goal!
Anything you can offer would be awesome.

Peace,
Jerome.

Hi MrResureccion,

Things are going very well with me, thank you for asking. I am addressing a lot of things that have been impacted by my sexual issues, especially egocentricity, as they are affecting my relationship with my girlfriend even though I haven't acted out for some time. Addiction finds the least resistance when we think selfishly, so addiction and ego almost always go hand in hand.

As far as reading, you can take a look at SAA's introductory literature here: http://saa-recovery.org/SAALiterature/

If you haven't already, I would also suggest watching the videos on yourbrainonporn.com. Understanding what is going on in the brain helped me at the start of my recovery more than I can say.

I hope this helps

Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore