Feed the Right Wolf

Daily Checklist: (List every self care Item that you did use this day)
8 Hours of Sleep
Meditation (10 Minutes is enough)
Healthy Eating (3 healthy meals + 2 healthy snacks)
Reading Recovery Literature (10 minutes is enough)
ERP or Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes
Journaling

Summary:
I procrastinated today. I didn't study for my PHP exam. I lied to my wife about it. Overall it was not a very productive day.

Felt positive reading Alex's story. Particularly, his point about how to fill the emptiness in his life and about self image of personal expectations. I recently quit smoking and his statement about not knowing how to manage life without his addiction is true for me.

I'm trying to manage my life without smoking and then realizing that I have porn & masturbation addiction. My smoking is out in the open but my porn addiction more hidden. So I addressed smoking first.

I'm trying to use what I learned with mindfulness and meditation to stop porn addiction. I've read the 'Free Recovery' course materials. I've set my quit day as Sunday March 18th.

That's it for today,
Victor33

Hi Victor,

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you're here. I read that you had a relapse, but it's great that you came back despite it and kept posting. Keep coming back; when you help yourself you are helping us all, and vice versa.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Thanks Absolution

Day 8:
Was tough but made it.

Day 9:
This is the longest I've been without porn or masturbation. With the exception of Army boot camp. That's quite a realization for me.

I meditated and I feel good
Had small urges to masturbate but I went to pee instead and it went away
Still feel lazy today

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

Day 10

Self care: pretty good. Slept well. Ate regular meals.

Today urge so far has been pretty light. I'm thankful for that.

Will meditate pretty soon and work on personal projects.

Good luck to others.

- Victor

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

Day 11

I slept until noon, had something to eat, 15 minute meditation, and now I'm here.

I think my urge to procrastinate is stronger than my urge to watch porn. I've done nothing expect post on this site for 3 days.

Good luck to everybody else. Now I need to get off my ass and practice for my php exam.

-Victor33

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

Victor, I hear you on the procrastination thing. Last weekend I was on a really bad procrastination jag. It was during that jag that I found this site though through Alex's youtube channel. If you didn't know, he has some interesting videos on there about procrastination. Well, best luck.

I am back at day 1 after one night of acting out. Not going to beat myself up, the first few hours of the day I felt shame, but want to get right back to a recovery path.

By the way, I am learning PHP also.

12 days of freedom from porn

Just checking into my journal. I slept pretty good. Had a glass of milk and 40 minutes of mindful meditation. I've never meditated that long by myself before.
Been more into meditation because I learned that it helps the practitioner build will power.

Nothing really bothering me except my procrastination and lack of success finding work. Despite these, I'm still optimistic.

Nate glad to hear you are back on the recovery path. Celebrate and be proud of the success you've had so far. You have my best wishes.

We should talk more about PHP. Where you are at and what you hope to do with PHP?

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

Day 13: Another day of freedom from addiction

Last night was pretty rough. I stayed up late and almost fell into temptation. I was tired and angry at the wife. But I visited this forum, mindful noticing - being aware my temptation, meditate for 30 minutes. Had a glass of water with string cheese. Tried to go to sleep. Probably had 4 hours of sleep.

Today, I've been busy until now 4pm cst. Figure I check in with my journal. Just meditated without a guided recording for 20 minutes than another 10 minutes. So far 30 minutes of meditation - by myself. This is a huge milestone for me. Usually I can only meditate for only 5 - 15 minutes alone and unguided. I have a slight temptation but it's pretty week after meditation.

I was told that recently journaling, doing art work also has mindfulness qualities as well. It also allows you to take stuff out of your head and through it somewhere else, which is an act of stress relief - I think.

So I feel good, confident, and optimistic about the outcomes of mindful meditation and journaling.

-v

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

For the 14th day, I didn't get a chance to go the the computer. 14th day I was really tired didn't accomplish much. Busy most to the day. Spend time with family.

Today, 15th day of abstinence. Not much so far. I had strong urges this morning, but I choose to eat breakfast and meditation.
Now working on getting ready for php exam. Good luck to other folks today.

-v

_________________
Life in every breath and cup of tea. Every step I take is progress.

Every time I get up from a stumble is a success. Peace be with you.

Sounds like the meditation is really helping.

Best luck.