Feed the Right Wolf

Last fall I had 90 days without PMO because of all the stuff I was told would be better if I quit porn. What I didn´t know was that my brain wanted to "test" me. And I relapsed badly. Have had some relapses after that too but now I know that my brain wants to lure me back in through the backdoor to PMO. Having that in mind makes it easier to stay sober and not too think in ways that makes me pick up porn again.

This raises an important question about what brings us back down again after a long period of victory. I do not know the answers as to how to overcome this!

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Starting (sobriety) date: 11 April 2012

"For because he himself [Jesus] has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."
(Hebrews 2:18 ESV)

I believe the way to avoid this is to not let yourself become complacent. This has been very common among many addicts. If we continue to work a recovery program when we feel we DON'T need it as much as when we feel we do, we're able to maintain vigilant.

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Yes, we must be on guard even when we feel strong.

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Starting (sobriety) date: 11 April 2012

"For because he himself [Jesus] has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."
(Hebrews 2:18 ESV)

90 days is a good marker but there is no marker that says, "You are healed".
We have to be on guard all the time. Do not trust yourself after any amount of time.
The brain has a lot of rewiring to do especially if it was exposed to porn for a long time, and sometimes it gets exposed to really bad things.
Now it has to be cleaned for a long time to stay clean.
Get my point?
By the way, do not give up. 90 days without porn is excellent. Now start again.
I read something very good once, "Relapse is not an option".
Do not feel that one day I may relapse, say to yourself, I can do it and maintain it!
Peter

I find that fear of relapse can be a huge problem. And it can easily pull me down.

At those times, I must go by the old adage, "One day at a time." It is not productive to fear what I may do tomorrow. Jesus himself told us that today's trouble is sufficient for today, we are not to borrow trouble from tomorrow.

My assignment is to be pure in thoughts and actions this very day. It'll make me stronger for tomorrow.

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Starting (sobriety) date: 11 April 2012

"For because he himself [Jesus] has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."
(Hebrews 2:18 ESV)

Hi guys,

I have thought about this subject a lot as well. My believe is that while we do get better, it is impossible for us to heal. And unlearning to rely on pornography is much harder and takes much longer than learning to crave it.

What I am trying to say. While it would take me months to get to the point where I do not crave pornography, if I let myself go, and allow small triggers to creep into my life it takes weeks if not days for a strong craving of pornography to return.

Then it once again takes months to get back to more or less normal state.

Than if you throw in stress, tiredness, and other emotional events into the mix, all of which inhibit our thinking brain, we can very quickly find ourselves going back to or at least craving our drug of choice... I don't know if it's possible to unlearn that some time, but I know that I am definitely not there yet.

The analogy that helps me a lot is that of climbing a rope. Recovery is like climbing a rope. When I work at it I get higher and higher. But once I get high enough, I stop climbing, and due to force of gravity I start to slide down, which accelerates faster and faster as long as I let myself slide. Than eventually I either get to the end of the rope and fall, or catch myself closer to the end, and start climbing really hard to get the hell out of there. But craving for inappropriate sexual behaviors, just like gravity is always there. It is up to me how I choose to use it, I can rely on it to exercise my muscles and help me feel good, or I can let it take cover and make me fall. The choice is mine.

That's just my $.02

Regards,
Alex

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