Feed the Right Wolf

Hello all.

For those who remember me from before, I"m back. For those who do not, hello! It seems that much has happened since I have been away. As a quick introduction, I'm a young doctor (MD) who has a good life and a good family. And, of course, a pornography addiction.

Of course, one of the things that has NOT happened during my absence from the forum is a miraculous spontaneous resolution of my addiction! Which is too bad, but probably not surprising to very many of you. To be honest, it isn't really that surprising to me either.

In pondering my lack of surprise over this, I realized that in not actively seeking to fight my addiction, I've been passively encouraging it. While I am not in a place where my addiction is raging out of control, ruining my life, or really even progressing very much, I'll say that it's certainly not getting much better, either. So I've decided to journal again in the hope that I'll gain momentum that I can use to change my life.

Recent developments in my life:

1. My daughter just turned 1. She's cute. It's motivating to me to realize that I do not want her to have a father with a pornography problem. She does not deserve that.

2. I have had a few health problems and now have them under better control. Sickness hasn't helped with the addiction as I've ALWAYS been tired and rarely had the energy to do things like exercise. This is now better, and my increased energy level gives me resource to fight my addiction.

3. I have realized that I need to be better about actively engaging my addiction and overcoming it. I have the resources to do so but have been putting it off. I can't say why, really, except that I'm sure I've become too complacent. Like I said, my addiction isn't raging, so it's just quietly smouldering and has been walled off into its own little dark corner of my soul. But I know that it affects me even there, even though nobody knows about it but me. So I've decided to fight it again.

Today I've read some inspiring material and written in this journal. I have also prayed and gotten a couple of naps in. Good day. I am now about two hours sober and will be starting from there.

Best to all of you,

Xe

Hi Pal,
Good for you for coming back!
This web site has been very helpful for me to understand my addiction.
I am day 11 of 30 after 40 years of P&M addiction and I feel I have a couple of
tools to fight back. That's the real problem I used to just take the sucker punch every time and
ended up giving in just to clear my mind for a few hours. Here's what I learned: in a nutshell.

1. Exposure and Response Prevention as described in this site is really powerful. I am fighting back with this daily.
2. Youtube "Great Porn Experiment" short lecture talks about the 'novelty' of many sex partners (same as porn) and what happens to the brain.
particularly about the Reward Circuit cos that fits in with ERP.
3. I have also found Emotion Freedom Technique EFT to be useful. If you can get past the intellectual "This can't possible work" and ignoring that just do it. Simply doing it is another tool to fight with. Much better than lying back and giving in! You would have to do a bit of research to get to know the technique, but its easy and overlaps with ERP remarkably well.
4. Youtube "Using EFT for a Pornography Craving". This has been very helpful to me.
5. I have resolved to encourage others on this site as part f my recovery. Not to tell you how great I am, cos I'm not! But in telling you what I have learned it is another reinforcement of my progress.
6. You sound like you have a lot going for you, baby, must be a wife in there too. I look at it this way and imagine how wonderful a life I could be living without the burden of a P&M addiction and I resolve to head forward to become the best person I can possible be. I don't want the regrets of this wasted and draining activity to rob me, my wife and my kid of the bloody best I can give them!
Read my post OUR LAST DAY TOGETHER and you'll understand what I mean.

Success is about getting up again ....I sincerely do wish you, your wife and child a wonderful life ahead and that you will come to peace with yourself as you smash your addictions.
Kind regards CSC

_________________
Kind regards, CSC

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path. (Andre Gide)"

Been a NEW MAN since: April 16, 2012

Welcome back, Xenon. Glad you decided to return. Good luck.

_________________
Sobriety date: November 6, 2011
In all you do, remember the end of your life and then you will never sin. Sirach 7:36

Love and time can heal just about anything.

Failure is not an option.

Xenon! I'm glad you're back and glad things are going pretty well for you. Keep coming back!

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Thanks all!

I can see that the site seems to have grown in my time away. This makes me happy- I'm quite certain that those who come here can find tools to help improve their loves and their addiction.

As an update, since my last post there have been two occasions where I have surfed to soft porn websites. Both times I was able to pull myself away from them in less than five minutes, but I don't consider this success. Improvement, certainly, but not success.

I have otherwise been well. I've been gettin enough exercise, doing well at work, and home life has been okay. My wife has an anxiety disorder that's untreated. This causes me so much stress I can hardly express it. But we are doing okay and still have a positive relationship overall. I'd be lying if I said that the anxiety disorder doesn't make it much more difficult to curb my addiction at times. Stress is a real trigger for me.

As for myself, I know that what I need to do is journal regularly, meditate, be physically active, and read my scriptures and pray daily. So that is what I will do between now and my next entry.

Best to you all, and thank you for the tips. I've tried ERP and EFT before and I do find them both helpful. I'll be getting back into those as well at some point, I'm sure. They work, it's just getting my feet under me enough to regularly employ them. Work is crazy and takes a lot out of me.

Best to all of you, and thank you for reading and posting.
Xenon