For those who remember me from before, I"m back. For those who do not, hello! It seems that much has happened since I have been away. As a quick introduction, I'm a young doctor (MD) who has a good life and a good family. And, of course, a pornography addiction.
Of course, one of the things that has NOT happened during my absence from the forum is a miraculous spontaneous resolution of my addiction! Which is too bad, but probably not surprising to very many of you. To be honest, it isn't really that surprising to me either.
In pondering my lack of surprise over this, I realized that in not actively seeking to fight my addiction, I've been passively encouraging it. While I am not in a place where my addiction is raging out of control, ruining my life, or really even progressing very much, I'll say that it's certainly not getting much better, either. So I've decided to journal again in the hope that I'll gain momentum that I can use to change my life.
Recent developments in my life:
1. My daughter just turned 1. She's cute. It's motivating to me to realize that I do not want her to have a father with a pornography problem. She does not deserve that.
2. I have had a few health problems and now have them under better control. Sickness hasn't helped with the addiction as I've ALWAYS been tired and rarely had the energy to do things like exercise. This is now better, and my increased energy level gives me resource to fight my addiction.
3. I have realized that I need to be better about actively engaging my addiction and overcoming it. I have the resources to do so but have been putting it off. I can't say why, really, except that I'm sure I've become too complacent. Like I said, my addiction isn't raging, so it's just quietly smouldering and has been walled off into its own little dark corner of my soul. But I know that it affects me even there, even though nobody knows about it but me. So I've decided to fight it again.
Today I've read some inspiring material and written in this journal. I have also prayed and gotten a couple of naps in. Good day. I am now about two hours sober and will be starting from there.
Best to all of you,