Feed the Right Wolf

Hi freshstart . Glad with your good progress. Wish you all the best to reach the 60 days

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"God, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand,rather than to be understood; to love,rather than to be loved." - Alex Wolf

Thanks destiny I was hoping we would make it together. Anyhow I hope you recovered quickly from your latest relapse and start recovery again

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Day47 done

The last week has been a touch week very touch. I was struggling to remain sober. I had a few times when I woke up early in the morning and felt strong urges. I have also been talking to more girls in real life which has strengthened my urges. Overall, I need a new motivation boost and a rethink about what I have been struggling with. The following are such points
prayer on time
Gym consistently
No movies
No computer alone
Avoiding looking at girls at uni
Fight the urge and focus on the goal

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Day48 done

Strong emotion sense of emptiness

Strong Negative belief I am falling into the same trap again

Isolation I got to learn to stop using facebook

Positive experience I am still going

Things I am grateful for god gift of life

Comments I have totally forgot about erp and a few other techniques I was using at the start of my rehab. I need to get back to them. Otherwise I forecast a dim future. I need to get stronger and stronger. I cannot afford to let my guard down.

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Hi freshstart . Thanks for your words of encouragement. The latest relapse makes me realize my main weakness, which is emotional management. That's what I should focusing on.

Are you using facebook as well? Sometimes I wonder whether it is helpful or not to stay away from it. I communicate with my far-away friends through that medium. Yet, I try my best to spend each evening to hang-out with at least a friend nearby my home-town.

About the ERP, I started to leave the exercise when I had a period of sobriety (perhaps about 20 days clean). Sometimes, it's so boring to do it. I had been using it since the very first time I know Alex's website. I had gone through the period of failures when practicing it, yet this technique also helped me to stay sober after I gained understanding of it. I can't remember which friend's journal, but there's some period of time which we may leave the exercise. Perhaps, after 2 months, or 3 months?

Hey.. Being sober for a long period may increase the testosterone level, right? I couldn't stop looking at girls when I was clean for a long time. Even felt the tendency to flirt. Do you experience the same?

Go for it, my friend. There are 12 days left before day 60. I pray for your success.

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"God, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand,rather than to be understood; to love,rather than to be loved." - Alex Wolf

Well back to square one
The last week has been devastating.anyhow back on track and starting from day one.

At the moment I feel a sense of despair and weakness. I was able to foretell my fall yet I did not do enough to divert my direction. I will try to go back to the energy and commitment that took me through fifty days.
The two things that weakened me are my irregular prayers and my laziness to continue techniques and reading on the subject.

At the beginning of my fall, I was in denial where I was like this cant be happening to me, I can just continue posting as if nothing. Happened.
Then I was in a feeling of struggle where relapses continued everyday.
Then I felt despair for the ongoing problem
Then I came to acceptance of my current situation and sought to return to recovery path.

Enough is enough I am sick of this.

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Very difficult day. Had a break down emotionally in the middle of the day due to the battle inside my brain. My sensible side came on top and I managed to stay sober today. I definitely have this bad habit of denial. When we were studying such cases in psychiatry, denial is a primitive defensive mechanism the brain uses against difficult situations. The person basicly becomes oblivious to his reality.

In therapy the patient is driven to use more proactive and mature approaches to problems via problem solving and acceptance of reality. I need to problem solve my way out of this mess. No mindless trick will carry me through. However, above all patience is key and I need to be patient.

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Good day no problems mainly cuz I was so busy

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Denial leads to repeated failure

Another good busy day nothing to report

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Denial leads to repeated failure

1week done pretty good gota study hard this weekend

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Denial leads to repeated failure