I can't sleep for anything. I've been laying in bed for well over an hour. I just can't stop thinking about it. I just keep seeing her holding the knife to her wrists over and over again. I can't get it out of my head. She was visibly drunk by 12:30, at which point some managers talked to her, but she continued working. The alcohol really is too easily accesible, and she must have continued drinking, because when I went back to check on her later, she was totally out of it. Again, some managers went back to talk to her, and she was told to leave. Apparently, she didn't leave, and continued working on food prep, with knives. She had also pulled someone else back to help her, when she should not have needed help, leaving one trainee alone running the front station, which should not have been done. A short time later I went back to check on her, and she was at the sink holding the knife over her wrist. Then I watched her being escorted out with blood on her arms and shirt. She is in the hospital now.
I worked 11 1/2 hours today to try and fix everything. A lot of the prep was totally wrong because she was drunk when she made it and had to be remade. A lot of it she had also dumped on the floor. The trainee she had pulled back to help her, she had doing something totally off. My manager switched me from my station to cover her station this weekend, and when I checked out her prep, aside from the stuff that was wrong or on the floor, she was still very behind for this weekend, so I stayed 3 1/2 hours late to try and catch up the prep for tomorrow.
I'm not angry at her for screwing up the prep. I don't really care about that. More than anything, I feel pity for her. I know what it's like to feel like taking your life. I've almost taken my life twice, though I'm quite fine now and have been for a few years. My mom has also tried to commit suicide twice. Seeing her almost do it right in front of my eyes was just too much. I was totally frazzled for the rest of the day. And even now, when I should have gone to bed an hour and a half ago, I just can't stop thinking about it. I keep seeing her holding the knife to her wrists.
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.
Modesty is sexy.
Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13