Feed the Right Wolf

7 weeks,
Starting to be serious on prayer and fasting. Home situation is still tense but attacking it with Jesus. No intention of doing porn. Haven't looked at it in 7 weeks.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Very Good...keep Up the Good Work...

51 days,
Thanks Adalrichk. Going through a lot of stress in the home and I haven't had much sex for a while. But to all the married guys out there. No sex is no excuse to do porn. All out fasting is hard and although I was successful for a day, I lead to hectic a lifestyle to do it for a few days at a time. I will concentrate on a partial fast while I am praying which I can do for an extended time.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

52 days,
Last night was particularly hard for me. My libido or sex drive was very high and off the charts. I made a porn search and looked at thumbnails for a WHOLE FIVE MINUTES. It seemed like hours. Instead of clicking on one of those sites, I took off the search and I looked at TBN online and listened to some preaching. Then I went on an online Bible site and listened to the word. A site where they read the Bible aloud for you. I did some chores while I listened to TBN and the bible from the computer. When I went to bed I literally begged my wife for sex. She complied and it did not last long for I was really hot. My wife is not in the mood because of the stress in the home, but she does not mind helping me out if it is not too often. I am doing my best to be not angry and trying my best to alleviate stress in the home. The whole situation is depressing but I am holding on with faith that Jesus is going to get us through this.

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hey Dpac, sounds like you made a smart decision. Stay positive and hang in there, if you just keep moving forward things will improve.

Day 53,
What would usually happen after a minor slip like what I had with the thumbnails I would end up doing a major slip soon afterwards. Not this time. I got some Holy Spirit anointing olive oil from church and I anointed the door posts of my home, all my family, myself and even the computer. I am not a big believer in doing stuff like this but weird enough this curbed my sex drive and it brought some stress relief in the home. My daughter who has depression was more calm.

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

Over two months without going on a porn site.
I had a slip while looking at some thumbnails as I posted this before. I felt the old feelings started to come back but I anointed my family my house myself and computer with olive oil and prayed. I prayed so that I won't get the opportunity to use the computer for porn and every time i tried, something would foil my plans. Also I am doing better at getting my wife in the mood and sexual relations are getting back to normal so far. I am doing better with my anger management but my daughter is getting worse. The schools psychiatric worker told me I should get her evaluated immediately by a private psychiatrist. They cost a lot of money but it was worth it. I found out that she was not depressed but have a mood disorder since she has more anger episodes than depressed ones. It is brought on by a prolonged use of steroids that she has to take for another illness she has. The psychiatrist put her on medication for the mood disorder but the effects of it would not kick in until a couple of weeks. We are all hopeful that she would get back to normal with the proper treatment. Meanwhile we have to tolerate her rage tantrums. Not so easy or pleasant but a light can be seen at the end of the rainbow.
Tomorrow is Pentecost Sunday. It is a big deal since for us Christians. It is the day in which God entered man in the form of the Holy Spirit. I would really like it if God's Holy Spirit would take over my soul. Keeping my mind pure and praying for it everyday.

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

Over 2 months,
Lord I need the Holy Spirit.http://youtu.be/Ewv2eMABvYo

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

9 weeks about.
A most difficult time for me, due to complacency, but praying and asking the Holy Spirit for help. Praying for years with disbelief but now that I believe it has tremendous power. After asking the Holy Spirit for help I got this urge to tell people that Jesus is coming again soon. In my life I never had this urge before. Things are much calmer at home. Now things are getting better, complacency is stepping in.
Now that I believe that Jesus is coming again soon, I have even greater reason to not sin and relax about my situation more. I guess the Holy Spirit knows what it is doing.

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi Dpac,

I think you're doing great so far; you've been on this forum for a long, long time and I appreciate that you keep fighting to move forward. Keep it up!

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore