Feed the Right Wolf

Hi Adalrichk,

I understand, there are times when I get tired of thinking about addiction and recovery. However it's important to at least do a little work on your recovery every day to stay vigilant.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hi Absolution,

That is True...Little Steps Everyday will certainly help....Day 5 today. Following the Routine of ERP, Praying and Everything else apart from the Obvious...

Day 6,..hoping to make the Day through without any Trouble....while I do Think that Such Counting amounts to Actually Running away from the Problem without a Real Goal actually...it at least Helps keep Track....and focus....Over Time I am sure it will help.

Day 7 , Focusing on not thinking about it at all....there's Temptations/Triggers Everywhere, but Each Time I think of going there I remember what has happened in the Past.

Keeping a Tab on Triggers.

Day 7 Passed....now Day 8 ....Hopefully the Long Road to leaving This has been taken....I am keeping a Track of all that
's caused me to indulge.

Admit, there are triggers and I am still testing myself at times...there is very much the Thought Somewhere in the Sub-Conscious of the Mind...30 Days and the Whole Life thereafter seems a Mountain to Climb.

Hi Adalrichk,
Don't test yourself. This is always a bad idea. Don't ever look back to see if you are a stronger person this time. The only thing you will prove is that you are addicted and you have already made that assessment by being here. An addiction is a weakness. All human beings have at least one. It does not make you a lesser person because of it. It just means you are human. Having a weakness does not mean that you have to sin. That is why we have a brain. Use all your resources to keep the hell away. I does not get easier, but there are good and bad days where the temptation could seem overwhelming.
Good luck.

_________________
I will cease being a slave to my past.

dpacrepentance,

Many Thanks for Your Comments & Advice. Yes, You've hit the Nail on the Head there. I've been there before, done that and am Saddened, Burdened with the Weight of not One but a Million Slip-Ups. The Temptation can indeed be Over-Whelming and Yes, I know how Vulnerable I/We all are to This Substance of the Internet so to speak.

I am trying to steer clear but it worries to think that I can go on Longer & Longer knowing from Past Experience. I am certainly not testing the Waters knowing how I have in the Past and failed miserably...so no...definitely not.

I can see that when Angry,Anxious, Frustrated, Nervous, Saddened, Worried...Porn becomes and Easy Escape Route...especially when I feel like Nothing is going my way and I tend to Blame the Higher Power for it...but whose Fault is it when I slip?...Mine alone....for I am only Hurting myself and No One else...isn't it?...

Is porn the Solution then?...just because Something does not work, Something I am unable to do as easily as Someone Else does, or because I am unable to Face a Certain Situation or Failure...doesn't mean porn becomes the Solution....Running away from the Problem, rather Facing it is the best way. I notice, whilst indulging the Mind wanders and Forgets about Everything else...but what after?...it's back to worrying about the Same Things, added to that the Guilt of Indulgence.

Temptation is there,all around Everywhere...it's Upto Us to choose not to fall for it Everytime.

Day 9...Sunday....Two Sundays Back I had a Bad Time...wasting Several Hours doing This...One of the Bery Bad Slip-Ups..

I hope I can add a Zero and make it 90 in 3 Months....

I have to be Honest, Sunday Evening...Returned from Music Practice...Bored. Little Else to do....so Tried Un-Blocking a site or Two from the Web Browser's Blocker...was Intentionally Testing..before Long I realized where I was Heading and what This has resulted in before.

Shut down the Browser and Posting now...Almost Yet another Slip-Up was not to be....Quite a Struggle...

Hi Adalrichk,

"Testing" has been used as a justification by many many addicts and I'm glad you were able to stop yourself. Remember to trust yourself and feel whether something is right or wrong.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore