Feed the Right Wolf

Today was a rather busy day!


Alright so the seniors of my high school had their award ceremony and I got to be an usher. It was pretty fun, but stressful. It was embarrassing not being able to find the senior I was supposed to hand the award to, but I did well. I went to school completely dressed up, which I like doing every now and then. Over all it was a great day.

Later that day I got a surprise. I recieved an award for having an outstanding, innovative ability. I am not essentially commissioned by the foundation to keep making new ideas every day. I like this So the school days was fun. I got to eat lunch during sixth period instead of my usual period because of the ceremony, allowing me to sit with my girlfriend. Wooo colors! But, with any great day, there are always some negative aspects... My girlfriend and I had a little... not fight. But, drama, you could say. But we cleared it up. I originally felt angry, and sad, but now i'm much happier. I'm sad and disappointed that I had to study for the SAT today instead of see my girlfriend, but it will pay off in the end. She understands.

My day took a downward turn when I came home and found out my cat has pretty bad cancer, and that it's inopperable by now. he has a month to live, but we may end up putting him down as early as next monday. I love him so much... I feel like I didn't treat him with enough love and respect in his life, and I can't go back in time. I just want him to know that all the time I spent "harassing" him and bothering him was because i was a little kid, and that's what little kids do. I didn't understand the significance of him being another organism, a living, breathing, feeling being. I lvoe him dearly and now he's gonna go... I cried so much today.

I've had such a busy and emotionally packed day that I didn't even have time to even think about lusting. Honestly, if every day were as busy, I wouldn't even have a problem recovering. I'm very, VERY vulnurable when I'm alone, bored, or depressed. I was none of those things today. I actually managed to sleep last night too Well, not much, but with insomnia, anything counts.

Either way... SAT and Finals aside, school is almost done which means I'll be having my last, real, long summer vacation for a while. I want to enjoy it as much as I can. My final concern and fear is that since neither of us drive yet, what if the summer puts a big strain on my relationship? I don't know what to think about the subject. I mean on one hand I don't think it'll be that bad at all, I believe in us so much. But what if...

Anyway, day 5 got its artificial, pg-13 ass handed to it! I can keep this up! Porn is weak and I am strong!

_________________
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Gandalf is a BAWSE.

Ok, now with that out of the way, hello again my friends!!

Today was a BUSY day. I took an SAT really early this morning. Got up at 6, made a huge breakfast, went to my testing center, started at 7:45-ish, ended close to 1:00 PM, and then went to my friend's house. I hung with an old close friend I haven't been with in ages. I'm going to hang with my old friends this summer as much as possible!

The testing was brutal. No matter how many massive standardized tests I have taken, they're still a pain in the ass.

I think I did really well so I'm happy about that! I'm also proud of myself for making such a nice breakfast. I'm really lazy with certain tasks, that being on of them. Later I was at my friend's house and he showed me a new and AMAZING anime and we spend like 4 hours watching 7 episodes of it, it was amazing.

Then we went out, met with a bunch of friends and played tennis the rest of the day. I came home, and called my girlfriend for a bit. Told her I had to eat, get ready for bed, and then make this post and that i'd call her back. So you better feel lucky, people on this forum! I'm freakin' giving up time talking to my girlfriend to make this post! I mean seriously.

Naw, it's alright, I need this, it's important. Anyway, as far as temptations and unhealthy sexual desire goes today, well, it didn't go. It wasn't there. I'm happy about that. I masturbated last night... it was like 3 AM. I have bad insomnia as I've said, and i wanted to just... well I thought it'd help me fall asleep. I fell asleep sometime at 4, so who knows if it helped. Either way, even with that I didn't really think lustfully today at all. It was wonderful. I was just focused on what I was doing at each given moment, which is great.

I am overall really happy. I'm getting things done, and I'm reaching my last week of school. All but one thing is well and that one thing is I want to spend time with my girlfriend soooo badly. I miss her. It sucks being a dependent adolescent! WE WANT FREEDOM. WE WANT TO DRIVE. WE WANT MONEY. WE WANT AUTONOMY. NOW!!! Ah well, it'll come when it does. If we last till then it'll be smooth and happy sailing. But I have no reason to believe we wouldn't. I love her, and I will wait, and not even a massive solar flare will stop me.

That said, day 6 has been vanquished, and I'm now nearing one full week without porn. Porn is weak! I am strong!!

_________________
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Oh! Looks like it's that time of the day again ;D Post time!

Wow, I'm really weird and flamboyant on here... Well I figure if I'm going to post here DAILY, I might as well make it fun for us all (especially me.)

Alright! So Today was an interesting day. I got up, went to work, did some math homework, then went to Barnes and Noble for like two hours and then I came home, walked my dog, ate, made some finishing touches to my remix for a contest, uploaded it, and now i'm here!

My day was pretty productive. I read a lot about programming, completed a difficult assignment for math, and got my remix done. I'm happy. That's my main emotion now. I'm excited because i'm about to start my last week of school. I finished the SATs. I'm hopefully going to see my girlfriend this weekend, and I feel like this push and attack against porn is working! We need to keep it up.

My new thing is sleeping on the floor now. I love it. My girlfriend thinks it's crazy though. XD

Well, not much to say. I mean... Today was relatively easy, I wasn't home most of the day. I mean ok, I still get images and stuff popping in my head every now and then, but I'm able to block them off better now; and stop them when they come. Hopefully someday they won't. As long as I don't dwell on them, I should be under barely any temptation.

Day 7 has succumbed to the wrath of my chin fist!

Bring on day 8.

_________________
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Hey guys.
I didn't fail yesterday, but I was incredibly tempted. So much so that I had to break free by shutting down my computer completely and leaving my room. Throughout the day at home yesterday after school its been really difficult until the peak when I just had to get off of my computer. I'm proud of myself when I succeed in warding off temptation. I thank God.

So I passed day 8.

So now I've broken through the one-week challenge. Yesterday was my "exam." I passed it just barely, but I did. I called my girlfriend that night before bed and we talked for a long time and said our goodnights and went to bed.

Today was a day... I slept well last night, really well. But today was just wow. It was really amazing at school but things just always seem to topple over. Darn it gravity. I wish things didn't have to fall back down after building so high. Oh, look, I'm being a stupid, cryptic teenager full of angst.

Anyway, I don't have much to say for the day... I don't feel like writing this post. I don't know. I feel like my various life problems are irrelevant to this war against lust... so why bother? Can some one please explain to me how I'm supposed to use this journal? Ok, I was not so tempted today. I didn't watch porn. Now what?

I sometimes don't feel like, or at least understand how me writing things here is supposed to help... I've never had a journal before and so what's the theory?

Day 9 complete.

_________________
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20