Feed the Right Wolf

I don't think any of us could live without confession. This forum is a perfect example of how we confess everyday...good or bad. It's great that you are able to learn from your priest and their advice.

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Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Hi Mombasa,
I never even hinted that you shouldn't do confession, but what about saying your rosary and coming up with a way to keep from using the computer during obvious week or tempting times. Why don't you ask the priest to bless your computer and keep it during hard times, like when your wife has to go away. Maybe my ideas suck but I'm sure you can come up with something more creative. Do all you can. Confession is good but I'm sure this is not all you can possibly do.
Blessings to you and all the best in trying again.
P.S.
Confession is only one part of repentance. An important part but still repentance is still incomplete. For the sake of your family, stop being a slave to sin. I know you are trying and you feel good about confession. 55 days are a good effort. But you are an intelligent guy with a lot of will power. I know you can do more. I know I am not so intelligent and my will power sucks. I can't come up with excuses like you. So my mind and soul could not have took it anymore. I told my wife and family everything and accepted the shame of what I did and accepted a new chapter in my life. This was much easier for me to do than what you are doing. You being more intelligent than me, I am looking forward to see what new and intelligent ways that you could come up with it preventing yourself from using the computer when you are weak.
I wish you all the best.
I also want to say that pride had me still stuck in the cycle even after I confessed to my family. I tried to fool myself and them to thinking that I was not addicted any more. Once addicted always addicted. Managing the addiction is the best form of repentance I have come up with so far.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi Dpac,

Thanx for advice but I choose only such methods that convince me. Giving PC to my wife when she leaves home for some time would cause her to suspect what's wrong with me and I wouldn't have anything reasonably to explain. After all, I know myself - I remember 2 years ago my wife left home for a night to my in -laws . There was nothing at home for me to use for PM ( no magazines, no Internet connection, totally no nothing to act out. And what did I do? - my addicted me caused me to drive some kilometres to a train station (short before midnight) because I knew there I could buy porn magazines (in a news agent's open 24 h. I left 2 my little children without care when they were sleeping ( what if they got up?) and came back with 2 magazines with CD's. So lack of the PC cannot prevent my acting out. Therefore I am not going to install K-9 filter or something similar because I can always find another way to act out.
Dpac, I don't only apply confession or pray. I do different means to quit P/M if you read my previous posts more precisely you'll find them.

That think I too. It's a basic part of confession in my church. I don't treat confession as a washing mashine ( after cleaning I can foul up myself again and wallow in the cesspool) - such a confession would be invalid.

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Dear Mombasa,
I am sorry about your situation and I am only suggesting stuff that you can try. If you have this addiction that bad then I suggest that you get some professional help. (Another suggestion by the way.) You have to think of the long term. Your wife and children are already involved even if they don't know about it. Porn destroys communication and intimacy in the home and makes the addict extremely self centered. For a long time I didn't think I had an anger problem because I was too self absorbed to notice how I was destroying my family, slowly but surely. Do you know what your family thinks about you? For a long time I didn't/didn't care because of the porn. Build communication and intimacy with your wife and children and you will get the strength to quit.
By the way, I hope you have a pleasant father's day.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi Dpac,


Yes, I've been aware for very many years that the strongest cause of my addiction is myself being self centered and I've been trying to activly do something to leave my selfishness almost every day. Every day I'm struggling to do something for somebody - first of all for my wife and children.
But although I'm aware of it it's for me very difficult give my time and energy to the others and often I consume time only for myself. it's the most difficult thing in my life - to give myself the others. I know the more time I spend on my wife and children the stronger will be my recovery. And that is the aim - not to simply quit P/M but to live more and more for my wife, children and next for other people ( so it's so called love - agape in Christianity). The biggest enemy is my selfishness ( not only in my P/M addiction but altogether in my life ) and all means given me in church (daily reading Bible, prayer, Mass, confession, spiritual reading, being in a group of Christians, yearly retreats, advice of priests and friends from the christian group, daily trying to actively do something for the others, trying to do my job better and better...) serve the purpose to live the life of love (agape - serving the others and not myself).
I know my way and the means well but I've got huge problems with the execution. I feel so weak to do something for my wife, children... recently I've been praying on a daily basis for Holy Ghost to give me strenght and acting love because I know my human will power is insuficient to quit my selfishness and enter the life of giving my time ( myself) the others.
I'm a slave of myself (egoism) but know what to do and try (although weak)

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Hi Mombasa,
This is a problem but you don't have to be strong everyday. You only have to be strong today! How did you reach 55 days? You did it by being strong one day at a time, one hour at a time, moment by moment. Don't look at the future and look at the mountainous task ahead. Just look at the task you are facing right now immediately. Yes prepare for the future but don't look at it. It is not written in stone. You change the future by changing now, this very moment. Be kind now, be loving now, give of your time now. Don't get intimidated or immobilized by your thoughts. How do you build a skyscraper? One brick at a time. Just have a plan for the weak moments and implement it when the time comes. Don't prejudge how difficult it would be.
You can do this. For yourself and family.
How long do you pray for? For most people a couple of seconds or a minute at most. This is too little time especially if you really need Gods help. This is why I suggested the rosary. Bench mark for me is at least 10 minutes at a time, a few times a day if I really needed it. I don't do the rosary since I am not Catholic but I pray and/meditate for at least that long at a time. It helps the mind to focus on the task ahead.
God is love.
God is in you through the Holy Spirit.
You are love.
Get the point?

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi Mombasa,
I think it is better if I respond to you on your journal instead of AI's. The Catholic Church does have many Marriage programs including marriage encounter. It is run mainly by couples who are married. There are one or two priests for confession but they do not run the show. They encourage the married couple to write to each other glibly and to accept what each other has written with a promise not to react without forgiveness and empathy. What happens is that they provide a suitable environment of the exchange of letters to take place and for the couple to read and discuss what they have written to each other. The process usually brings the couple closer together and helps them to be more intimate. I believe this might be the thing you are looking for.
I did this program with my wife early in the marriage. We were looking for a marriage program to go to for we were having some problems and the Catholic church had the cheapest one available. You don't have to be Catholic to do the Engaged or Marriage Encounter. I did not have problems with porn then, but what we learned was how to communicate honestly with each other and not to judge too harshly. So when the problem with the porn came along, it was much easier for me to discuss the problem with my wife. No one ever teaches you how to live the married life, so programs like these help. They provide tools for foreseeable problems in Marriage and provide guidelines of how to live in marriage. I never new that there were any until we did this.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi Mombasa,

I haven't heard from you in a while, how are you doing?

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hey Mombasa,
How are you going? How about posting an update? A few of us are following your story with interest.
Keep it up and come post an update soon? CSC

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Kind regards, CSC

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path. (Andre Gide)"

Been a NEW MAN since: April 16, 2012

Hi friends,

Rumors about my death ( i.e. giving up to fight and acceptment of P/M as something unchangeable ) have occured premature.
I still live a fighting person life. I haven't visited this forum for over 2 months but there was no one day on which I didn't have a plan to quit P/M or fight. I've been still testing my new approach to quit P/M. When I reach more satisfactionary result I'll describe my new method. I want to be more practical than theoretical and first test the way myself.

As I wrote here once - only one thing could cause me to give in and stop fighting - that's loss of faith ( in Christ and His Words).
So as long as I believe I won't give my struggle in - it's impossible.

God may protect all of you and give support.

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