Why did he ever think that he had the right to control that about me, my wants, my needs, my confidence, my self esteem and my sexuality. He had no right!!!!
You hit a nerve there Cappy. I can only fight that kind of resentment by giving in. I have no other choice, but I know she is not doing it because she doesn't care for me.
I am writing this just in case you can't sleep.
You are not worthless. You never have been. You are only worthless if you accept that verdict. I really admire your openness. I don't accept it of you. You are not the one doing wrong doing wrong here. You are doing a wonderful job as his partner. As in my poem...No blame, can she attach!
Have you discussed this with him?
My solution was a "regular weekly date". We both plan for it, make a special effort. I lower my expectations during the week and she can be relaxed that I won't be 'pestering her'. Then the day comes and I can get excited about it without fear of it passing (well most of the time.) I really look forward to those day. They are more important to than she understands.
I do wish you well, Cappy. Keep strong.
PS I sense you and he are not getting to the cause of the problem. Is it his selfishness, lack of love for you,? Is he just lost in porn land? or just self conceited? I'd be working on the core issue cos the peripheral issues won't really improve until you and he resolve some of the core issues.