Feed the Right Wolf

Welcome back Maya! Don't worry about falling off only to come back and report that you did. We're all about the support and guidance here as you probably already know. I have made some great connections here and get that support we all need for this deep dark secret that's called addiction. I've had this issue for the better part of 25+ years. It's only recently that I've acknolodged it and talked to my therapist about it. Since then I have been active on this board and doing lots of reading to get better equipt and informed. Good luck today. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

btw...your english is great! So much better than most as Beingclean said.

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Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

25.06.2012 Daily Checklist:

Going to bed early : DONE
Waking up early : DONE
10 minutes of prayers for myself and people i care about: -
Praying Morning : DONE
Praying Night : DONE
Healthy Eating : DONE
Reading : (No about addiction)
Socialising, calling a fried, saying hi to someone, meeting someone new: DONE
Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes : -DONE
Journaling : DONE!

Have you kept your promise today: YES
---

Strong Negative Believes that Were Affecting Your Day:
For a few minutes I thought I was a failure because of something my boss said ( well written down to a recommendation actually) then I put it together and found dthe courage in me to re-read and re consider all of it. I figured it was cruel, rude and very un-true and I figured I have been too apologetic, and brain-washed by this cruel cruel person. In a couple of hours, seeing it somehow freed me, not only from him but also from my own incepted thoughts that i am no good.

Anything Positive that You Learned/Experienced Today:
I have read a book about relationships and marriage psychology. Felt really up-lifted:)

Things You are Thankful for Today:
I am thankful for having the friends and the family I have.
I am thankful that my life is a challenge, I am getting wiser every day.


Anything Else You Would Like to Add:

cole2313 hi! thanks for your comment:) I am seriously considering to talk to my therapist about it either. I told about it to a friend who moved to live overseas. It felt really good, coming clean, and we checked and helped each other for some time too.

Too many changes are happening too rapidly lately. I have to be extra cautious.
see you tomorrow with todays journal

maya

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sober since : 05/07/2012

reset: 11/07/2012

Hi Maya, glad you are posting regularly on the forums. The best thing you can do is just be consistent: read all the articles on this site, practice doing ERP and reading positive belief statements, praying regularly, and journaling every day. If you do these things, you will improve. But that doesn't mean you will never slip, but you will slip less and less often until eventually you will no longer desire pornography.

I always try to remember: "progress not perfection." Try to make progress everyday, and do not worry about if you were perfect or not. Quitting pornography won't make us perfect, but it will make us a lot happier and healthier.

03.07.2012 Daily Checklist:

Going to bed early : DONE
Waking up early : DONE
10 minutes of prayers for myself and people i care about: DONE
Praying Morning : -
Praying Night : DONE
Healthy Eating : DONE
Reading : (Not about addiction)DONE
Socialising, calling a fried, saying hi to someone, meeting someone new: DONE
Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes : -DONE
Journaling : DONE!

Have you kept your promise today: YES

Hi guys!

big fat greeting from my DAY 10 of sobirety i guess? (25th was day zero) anyways,
could not log in because i was out of town. so there seems to be a gap in my journal but i have been well and holding it together. having an easier time recently. mended many negative beliefs and trying hard to overcome my fears and etc.

I will take some time and read the forum now:)
and maybe i will post stuff too:)

james268; got it bro! progress, not perfection! hopefully...

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sober since : 05/07/2012

reset: 11/07/2012

Hi Maya.

I like your daily checklist I also made one once, but it was only for a couple of days. Yes, I have some activities which I try to do every single day but I don't have a written list (which is better I think).
We are like a big family here, we help each other and try to learn from mistakes, so reading posts here on the Forum is a very useful idea, for me it's a help when I feel an urge to masturbate or watch porn and when I need something to strenghten me.

It's not about how far can we go, it's about how much can we learn from every relapse.


Shadow

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There is no failure, just feedback and learning process.

Maya !!!!!! You are doing SO well with your daily goals ! I am very inspired, and I shall do the same !!!

-Dance

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Goal: April 20th, 2013

Keep it up maya your doing awesome

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John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Sober since: 19th May, 2013

hi guys

back to day zero i am afraid.

now let me try to interpret why:(

1- I was over my one week almost to 10 days and cravings were likely to start as i know from my previous experience.
2- I as watching this pseudo-scientific / political documentary, i fell asleep and started dreaming about myself viewing porn and acting out, when i woke up i was very happy it was only a dream. yet kept watching and ended up acting out. these types of political stuff, i speculate are drenched with sexual subliminals. the min reason is to hammer in a particular message or something. what do i know about it. I was cought off-defense.

3- I was watching the documentary to avoid doing some crucial stuff for my career in the first place. so I will update my daily list and make sure i do the daily work(studying a subject, calling some people, writing some emails for now) as early as possible during the day. and i will try to repeat my ""if i walk away"s twice a day one in the morning and one in the evening.

4- was actually tring to avoid internet for i was dissapointed with somethig today. should have avoided the computer maybe. should have put my trainers on and go for a walk.

5- I want to explore the acting out and the period of the month for myself since i am a female, almos all my psyche is affected by my monthly period. sorry about the amount of information here, but i am experiencing PMS and days before my period now. SORRY again i have written this down if there are any ladies out there who find it harder to avoid on specific time of the month.

so that is basicly it.


acting out took about 5-7 minutes by the way, 1 minute disabling all the precautions, rest for actually loking for porn, 30 seconds or so viewing it, oh gosh. how desperate i must be looking.

sobriety shows itself as uplifted mood andhigh vital energy for me. After acting out i feel drained of all the energy, and sometimes feel the need to sleep myself.

i tend to get too wordy oh boy . please keep me in your prayers and thanks for the support.

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sober since : 05/07/2012

reset: 11/07/2012

now with yesterdays list: ( I write the list for yesterdays for i don wanna have to log in late before i go to bed)

04.07.2012 Daily (UPDATED) Checklist:


DOING THE DAILY WORK FIRST THING I WOKE UP: DONE
STUDYING STATISTICS AND READING PAPERS: - (haventdone and this is actually killing me! n owonder i acted out!)
Going to bed early : DONE
Waking up early : DONE
10 minutes of prayers for myself and people i care about: DONE
Praying Morning : -
Praying Night : DONE
Healthy Eating : DONE
Reading : DONE
Socialising, calling a fried, saying hi to someone, meeting someone new: - (AVOIDED GOING OUT ACTUALLY)
Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes IN THE MORNING : -
Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes IN THE EVENING : -
SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY: DONE
Journaling : DONE!

Have you kept your promise today: YES

_________________
sober since : 05/07/2012

reset: 11/07/2012

Hey Maya, I just wanted to tell you you're not alone with the pms thing, I think my cravings get worse on a monthly cycle too. I have little marks in my calendar because I used to keep track of my addiction along with my period (isn't that sad?). You're in my prayers, so stay strong.