Feed the Right Wolf

Day 30!!! For the second time this year I have reached one month away from porn. Though yesterday was probably the hardest day since bad thoughts wormed their way and to make matters worse I have a new laptop and I was home alone ( not a whole lot of fun). But I got through being at home by going out with a friend though the thoughts followed me, but while thinking about them today they no longer made me feel happy. I just weird thinking about them and disgusted. It helped move my thoughts away ( Assassin's Creed helped too ). But as before the support of everyone on the forum helped me get back to this position. Thanks you guys not sure if I could do it without you. Onwards to month 2!!

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Day 1 (again). These past few days have been astonishingly hard. I do believe I had all of the warnings, an amazing amount of triggers, an unprotected computer, and an already weakened mind. This lead me back to the lowest of the low in the porn that I used to indulge in. I recently moved from a country that blocked most pornographic sites ( of I could always find one or two unblocked ones ) to another country that doesn't. The very next day after arriving ( and the 2 days following ) I watched hours of porn. This is one of my worst binge this year. But I am determined to overcome this setback since I survived without it for months. As usual I realized there is far too much porn out there for me to see. The road ahead will be harder since access is easier and triggers are more plentiful but I am sure I can overcome this scourge once and for all! On a happier note I beat my previous record on this site of 34 days by going 5 weeks clean.

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Day 8, I have finally gotten into some sort of rhythm. My still unprotected computer no longer calls out to me for porn, too busy playing on it! Also waiting for college to start and hoping to get a job soon.
I find it amazing how being around girls -at least for me- makes me desire porn less. I don't fantasize about them or even think dirty thoughts around them. Going to an all boys high school did not do much for me in terms of being comfortable around girls, I'm actually woefully awkward around them. Sentences usually don't last longer than a couple of words and I usually want to end conversations as quickly as possible. Then again when volunteering, which I do every summer I don't talk to people much male or female. I'm not too comfortable around strangers. Hopefully I can change this in college!

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bc, why not protect that computer with a web filter program.
It will help you to get going and you can then focus on improving your life.
Peter

Day 12, Things have been getting a lot easier lately. I haven't had any urges nor have I been seriously triggered, which always helps. Been spending an awful long time playing on the computer though. I can't believe I can't until university starts!

Peter- I do appreciate your advice but I know my mind would want to "test" the filter, also there are plenty of other internet connected devices at our home (over 10 I think) besides the fact that university will have more unprotected computers. I feel that I need to defeat all cravings alone so any time I'm alone with an unprotected computer it will be easier to keep away from porn (I hope!). Again thanks anyway for the advice Peter!

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Day 15, I'm halfway to a month down for the third time this year. I'm annoyed because I can easily get to double digits as I have had many instances where I have done that. Once I reach the fifth week however I always slip. I don't understand why I can't stay away for long periods of time, only smaller chunks of three or four weeks. But I'm getting far too ahead of myself since I still have to get through another 2 weeks before I really need to worry. Thoughts currently are raging through my mind but I cannot and will not accept watching porn!

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Hi BC,

As someone who has never made it to 30 days since registering for this site over a year ago, I am really impressed you have reached this milestone several times. As they say in SAA, progress not perfection. You don't need to go 100 days in a row to make progress, you just need to keep training your brain to rely less and less on porn. Your brain now knows that it can go 30 days without porn and survive, it knows that there are other options out there to satisfy our basic needs and get relief (whatever healthy options you choose). Just keep at it and you will make it even further, 60, 90 days etc. and your brain will be even stronger than before.

If you notice that a certain week is always hard (for me it's week 2, for you week 5) be prepared in advance with healthy options. Plan some fun activities outdoors, or make a promise to help some friends with a project or something. Have some phone numbers ready to call if a strong urge comes. Just be prepared you will succeed.

Thanks for the advice James, I wish I read it earlier, but I read hours after I slipped this is 9 days later though. I took a big break from what I usually causes me to initially relapse which is also what I use to connect to this site (my hand-held device) that why I haven't posted recently. I don't use my laptop for porn unless I used my hand-held first. So I might move internet operations to my laptop and see how that works as I do most internet activity on my hand-held (except for these past few days), I hope it works!

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Just out of curiosity - when you go without porn does that include not masturbating. Sorry if this is too personal a question. I'm just curious how other people handle the urge to masturbate, even without porn. I have not looked at porn for 18 days, but I guess I am struggling with how to handle the urge to masturbate.

JJ

Day 11, JJ, It includes not masturbating, but if you need pointers on staying away from it I'm afraid I can't help you since I actually never started. I haven't masturbated and have no plans to start since it seems I'm not missing much, I don't need another addiction.

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