Free Recovery Course
Welcome to the Free Recovery Course!
Here you can find 23 article that contain all of the information that you need to break free from pornography addictions. I suggest reading each article in order.
Many of our visitors found that it was too much information to observe in one day. If you find yourself feeling the same way you can either bookmark this site and come back to it later, download a PDF version, or submit your email to the form on the right and have each article emailed to you daily.
Educating yourself is very important, but it is the actions that you take that will set you free. If you are ready to change your life I recommend the following 3 action steps:
- Read through every article in the recovery course below. You might also find it helpful to journal about your progress on our forum.
- Sign up for accountability software. I recommend Covenant Eyes at $10 a month, but if you can’t afford it at this time, K9 filter could work for you.
- Begin attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings either in person or over the phone. Yes this program is not perfect, but it does provide a much needed live support environment.
And here are the articles:
Understanding Porn Addiction
- 5 Brain Chemicals in Healthy Sexual Act and How it is Different from Pornography Addiction
- Pornography Addiction Cycle
- How the Human Brain Works
- Triggers of the Reptilian Brain
- The Emotional Brain
Practical Steps to Break Porn Addiction
- Simple Practices to Get Your Brain Back
- Creating Your Sexual Recovery Plan
- The Best Thing You Can Do Today For Your Sexual Recovery
- How to use ERP Properly to Change Your Emotional Brain for Good
- A-B-C-D-E Model that is Guaranteed to Change Your Life
Creating the Big Picture Vision
- An Important Strategy to Help You Break Free
- 7 Beliefs That Kept Me Trapped
- How to Handle Triggers or Mini – ERP
- What Does a Trigger Tell Us?
- What Do You Want from Life? A Very Important Exercise
Relapse Prevention
- My Relapse, and What I Learned From It – Part1
- My Relapse, and What I Learned From It – Part 2
- What is Wrong with 12 Steps Groups, What is Right with 12 Steps Groups
- 12 Steps Meetings – What Are They Like?
- God’s Will for You, or Awaken Your Stronger Self
- Filtering Software – A Tough But Important Decision
- The Emptiness Inside of Me, and How to Fill It Up
- Thank You for Your Time! Course Summary Inside
Relavant Keywords:adiction recovery courses, feedthe right wolf, addiction recovery course, feading the rihht wolf, free classes for addiction recovery, free course at feed the right wolf, free sexual recovery course
It has been 3 weeks and I have not watched porn. I found this site to be very helpful. Just realizing that there were others in my situation brought hope. I am also a recovering alcohol and drug addict, so I was very familiar with addiction and the process of recovery. For some reason, I was not able to believe of myself with a porn addiction problem that was uncontrollable but now I feel differently and am taking the steps necessary to stop all pornography.
Maybe not everyone will take this course but after lots of reading on masturbation, I have decided not to masturbate at all. So far, since making this decision I have not masturbated once. I have found a new high – a new excitement and that is the control of myself. This control is similar to the excitement that ejaculation has given me since I was a young boy at the age of 8 when I first remember masturbating.
Over 20 years ago: In the military we watched porn everyday and it was the only movies that were shown on the TV, so ate 18 years old I was doomed to believe that pornography was a perfectly acceptable form of entertainment. Not raised very religiously, I had no problem believing that porn was acceptable when I was introduced to it. My ex-wife allowed me to masturbate to porn movies so I did a lot of it.
In my second marriage, my new wife didn’t tolerate pornography and got very jealous so I did it in private. This led to me wanting more and more of it until I did this all the time, sometimes all day and all night. It also led me to voyeurism which made me shameful of myself.
I am now hopeful that I can get my life under control and keep pornography and masturbation completely out of my life. So far, so good.
I have read that if you have thoughts of watching porn that you slowly breathe 10 seconds in, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly release the breath for 10 seconds. After doing this cycle 10 times your body relaxes and helps you gain control of your actions. In addition you can hum this after you do the breathing exercise “VUMM” (actually spelled as VAM). I have tried this and it actually works.
One more note: In my reading about this, I learned all the negative aspects of masturbation which convinced me that even after nearly 35 years of masturbating about once a day, I could still stop. I have stopped which actually leaves me with an incredible honor and a feeling of euphoria which I have never experienced. Without having a hard-on my cock and balls feel excited all day which for some reason makes me proud and very assure of myself for the first time in my life.
I wish the best for all of you.
I really doubted my self of going to an extreme to become a porn actor but ALEX is so great .
Now i have a tidy face and somebody to talk .
Thankyou so much ALEX ……
Also, just a tip for you others out there it helps a lot to ask God to: “Grant you the strength to resist porn” when you pray. I do and it works wonders. You just have to NOT miss asking once or else you have a high chance of losing control. I forgot to pray about it during my earlier bedtime prayer and guess what happened? I hit a hentai site.:( (I’m sooooo thankful that it wasn’t anything worse). Once again, thanks Alex!
Thanks for creating this website, its helped me so much. I’ve had a pretty dark semi-porn addiction (I say semi because I didn’t watch porn super often, but it was there) I had just finished a long porn stint when I decided “Thats it! I NEED TO STOP” so read your articles and they’ve been a tremendous help. Thanks for taking the time and effort to make this website.
Thanks and God bless you.I want to say your heaven sent because this is an issue most people would rather not talk about. But with people like you be sure there are going to be generations to come who would benefit from your story and experience and live a healthy sex life with no fear of damnation.
You are actually pushing the Science Fiction myth of Evolution to overcome porn addiction?
What a joke.
I am so thankful for this site. I can’t believe how god has used this site to help me. I have been doing the “breathing” thing every time I feel tempted and I can’t believe how it works. After 30 seconds I’m back into reality. I will donate as soon as I can, Im really thankful. Thanks!
Thank you for leading me to this site!
I stated watching pornography when I was 9
and I have decided to stop, over 3 years later.
Thank you and I hope this will help me.
-Riley
Thanks alot! Very inspirational and gives hope to many. Please keep up the good work. God bless you.
My addiction started in May of 2011 when I was 11 when I caught my brother masterbating, I got curious, following my curiosity came addiction. I am now taking this corse, because i don’t like this lifestyle and need to stop, this program helped me so much, I’m now 2 weeks sober. Thank you so much, GOD BLESS YOU!
So im 3 weeks sobor or so my wife just woke me up cause I was sayinh my exes name and started to masterbating now my wife is wanting to leave me I dont know what to do I have been doing reslly good any ideas anyone im lost don’t know what to say I dont remember the dream just waking up and my hand on you know what and to a beryl pissed off wife
Sorry to hear that, but unfortunately things like that happen in early recovery. There is really not much you can do to avoid them, but it will not be like that forever, it will just take some time.
I would recommend talking to your wife, letting her know that this was 100% subconscious, and that it is the consequences of mistakes that you’ve made in the past. But you are doing the right things now, and things will improve. It might not happen as fast as you would want it to, but things will improve. Let her know that she is the only one for you and that you are truly sorry for all the pain that you have caused and unwillingly continue to cause through your addiction.
Thank you so much!
How can I get my new husband to understand that the porn daily is an addiction? He says that even if it is, all men watch porn all the time and since I am a woman, I cannot understand a man’s mind.
Since I am a smoker and he stopped yrs before meeting me, he told me to stop smoking and he would stop watching porn. He says it is the same thing!
However, we are married now for half a year and have only know each other for a bit over 1 1/2 yrs. When we first started getting sexual he couldn’t get a hard on, or if he got one it would get soft as soon as he entered me.
We are both in our 40′s. While I have always had sex partners, he spent all of his life alone, watching porn and jacking of. Only when we went abroad for 2 weeks and porn was not available was he able to perform sexually.
When we got back home after that trip, we were able to have sex quite regularly. He still watched porn, but at least had stopped with the live chat sex sites, which I feel are much more personal and offensive to me. Within the few months or last month he began with the chat sites again and the last three times we tried to have sex, again, it fell, and he was not able to keep it hard.
There are no new stresses and so I told him that it was the porn, which only started a huge fight. “All men watch porn…blah, blah, blah!” He asked me for how long he should not watch porn to show he is not addicted..one week, one month, never again?
I don’t know what to do, since he doesn’t see porn as a problem and will not accept the idea that the porn is ruining our sex life. He says that without porn he will never be able to have sex, that he NEEDS it, in order to be able to even be with me, since those girls mean variety, which he says all men need.
I am lost and confused and hoping there is some advice out there for me.
Anyone?
Hi Ann,
Sorry to hear about your struggles. We have an articles to address your question: http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/2010/04/my-husband-watches-porn-addicted-husband/
Also make sure to look through related content at the bottom of that page. I think you’ll find a lot of it helpful.
I don’t watch porn. So you can have sex with me instead of him. How about it, chick?
Thanks alex, this has really helped me and gave me hope for a better future. God bless on the rest of your journey. :]
I understand it all. In fact, at present, i have quite a number of sexual problems that i struggle with and one of them is porn but i sincerely want to break free from it so as to become all that God has planned for my life and i know, without a doubt, that God’ll grant me all d help i need to do so. I also struggle with masturbation and same sex attraction and i believe that in this site, i’ll find useful information to be applied to other areas of my sexual struggles. God bless you Alex not only for your honesty but also for your acceptance of personal responsibility towards dealing decisively with your sexual problems and as a matter of fact, i must say that in the final analysis of the whole issue, neither the identification nor dissatisfaction with our problems resolve but the preceeding as well as the acceptance of personal responsibility.
I just joined this site and came up with somthing here – I am kind of a small addict with porn. Female and a teen. The reason I feel it is some what of a harm to me is because, I feel people can be addicted to porn and when they are. Their sexual wantings go away. Real porn addicts barely have sex or try to get into a relationship because porn dosn’t teach them at all how to get in one. Guys, most young guys are not so addicted to porn so they have the ability to watch porn and then go for real girls or whatever. As for me being kind of, addicted at my young age ever snice I was younger and courious to have a look at it. I feel maybe I will never have a relationship which is somthing I oh so want so badly and I can’t because my love right now is to porn. But face it porn isn’t the real thing. We all know that. But we all know, we can’t help it. I sure know I can’t. And if you wanna know why I want a relationship so badly. Its because I’m gay. I’ve never met another gay teen girl face to face before. But I know one. And shes goregous. I can’t ever have her or I mean be with her. Because of this stupid addiction. And I’m not saying porn is bad. I’m just saying somtimes it really grabs onto certain people. People who cannot taim themselves. And practicaly ruins their life, somtimes ruins their life. Forever… Unless you try to stop it. How can people saying no or stop really stop an addiction. Its like telling an alcoholic that they better not drink another drop of booze. Will they though? No, they won’t. I say I’m going to stop every time I look at it. Which is about, once a day, Every day. And I would love to stop. But somtimes I don’t because I love it. Then I hate it. But I dont want it. I dont think its hurting others at all. Because its not. At least thats what I know. People know about this of me. They don’t seem to say anything really. I don’t pay at all becuase I don’t need to. Don’t need You know what I mean? Now I hope this help I just googled with help me out. Because I’ve always been good. Always and I always am but when I watch porn I feel very ashamed and chilled. I dont know why but I feel chilled. The feeling of doing wrong.
I do not know what it is like being gay but I do know what it is like being a teenager and wanting girls. I agree with what you said ” Their sexual wantings go away. Real porn addicts barely have sex or try to get into a relationship because porn dosn’t teach them at all how to get in one.” I believe too that the porn can take away your sex drive and leave you in only a fantasy land.
You probably realize that you have met many other lesbians but you don’t know who they are. It must be tough. The Kinsey and his staff reported that 28% of women had been aroused by another female, and 19% had a sexual contact with another female.Of women who had sexual contact with another female, half to two-thirds of them had orgasmed. So there are plenty around.
But if you had your strongest sex drive (from quitting porn), you would try harder to approach someone and ultimately find love. Good Luck!
I came across this website on a google search and it has helped me see that I’m not the only one who is upset with my mans actions. Its a very hurtful addiction. I confronted him and he tells me he feels bad but also mentioned it will be hard to quit. Atleast he was honest. So we made a pact… I quit smoking and he quits porn. I really hope he can pull thru with this. I’m in the same boat with all the other women… my relationship depends on him quitting. I’m going to mention this site to him and I hope I mean as much to him as he says and takes the course into consideration. Thank you for posting this site. And to all of your comments. It has given me a new light to a seemingly dark tunnel.
thanx for sharing with us.send some more tips to get rid of from it,to my mail.
Thanks.
please am in there need for help.
I highly recommend a 12 step program like Sex Addicts Anonymous, also check out our forum for a very carrying support community.
Alex you are a great person. Porn addiction can destroy lives.
Alex you are a great person. Porn addiction can destroy lives.
I found out about the porn and confronted my husband who plied me with such a lame excuse for it. He promised he wouldn’t look again. I can’t get the hurt and anger and jealousy out of me. He’s the onw who has done wrong and Im the one suffering and I’m.loosing my mind and already lost my self esteem. Be won’t go counselling with me to help me. Am wondering if there hope for us
There are some great resources here for coping with your spouse’s addiction; I’m going through the same process myself, so maybe a few of my articles will give you a place to start. Moving forward, please remember that you cannot control his behavior; only he can decide to take responsibility for his actions, seek help for his addiction, and seek to help you with your recovery. You can ask and encourage, but the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself- please, don’t make the mistake I made; seek counseling on your own whether he agrees to go with you or not. You deserve help and healing, and maybe he’ll follow your example.
#1. This first one may not help, but porn photos are “phot-shopped” every ounce of fat and double chin has been removed.
Allow me to boost your esteem, you are an awesome wife to want to help your husband, in spite of the heart break.
#2. If he is caught again, he needs an intervention like maybe a trial separation. Porn is lonely business, it affects work, as well as relationship disaster. He needs to come to a place where he realises his life has become un-manageable.
#3 Porn robs one of their mind, you should not be losing yours.
#4 Go to a counselor alone to get assistance, preferably if you are of a certain faith seek out a women psych who has the same world view as you. You must not bear this alone.
#5 Don’t blame yourself or let him blame you, he is the one with the problem.
I know the feeling…I have been dealing with my husbands porn and gambling addiction for 8 years. It has been a constant cycle of me finding the porn, me begging him to get help for is addiction, he says yes but never does and he stop for a couple months then the cycle starts all over again. I filed for divorce about 3 weeks ago and he still doesnt get whats going on. The denial is unbareable, he’s loosing his wife and kids and still doesnt see that its the problem. I have been thing about printing out the sex addiction therapist in our area along with all the group meetings and throwing it on the table if he still says its not a problem I guess I have tried everything. I wish you all the luck, porn addiction is so devistating to a family.
You are wonderful Alex. Getting over your addiction is one thing, but putting everything you have to help others is a great act of empathy and I salute you for that.
Today, I start reading this course and for the first time in years, I have felt that I am doing the right thing on the internet !! hehe,,really !!
Thank You so very much, Thank You Alex!
God Bless!
: )
Great work. The good news is that a site like this is a work in progress. Every year it will be better and better. The life experience of real people with real recovery offers hope and help. Inspiring community spirit you are helping to create. Recovery and a happy life reminds me of the saying from that old Kevin Costner baseball movie, “A Field of Dreams”: “If you build it, they will come”.
I am young and I am addicted, and it is very scary for me.
just thank you very much ,I wish you achive what ever you like in your life
Alex,
Thank you so much for putting all this information together. Before visiting this website I thought I was sitting alone in a dark room with no ray of hope and since I have started reading the free recovery course I already feel I am going towards the path.
I appreciate all your help and support. I pray to god to bless you with lots of happiness and may you reach out to all those in need of a ray of hope.
Thank you. I used to think I was alone too, but we are not. I am glad you found this site. It’s not magic bullet, but I think it will point you towards the right direction? Have you considered signing up for our forum? It is yet another way to get out of isolation.
it didnt help me
Sorry to hear that the course didn’t work for you. Recovery from pornography is never easy, and it takes time and effort. Don’t lose hope. There are other recovery courses available both online and offline. I highly recommend Sex Addicts Anonymous and Candeo Can
Thank you very much.God bless you.
Thank you for posting this great articles. I wish i will follow them all. May your dreams come true
i've been married for 2 1/2 years and i've been recently horrified to realise that my husband has been a sex addict for all of that time, even longer probably. we have so much in common, the same belief systems, that emotional & intellectual connection everyone longs for in a relationship – but our sex life has always been blah. i thought it was because we were stressed, overweight, lazy etc. and thought that since we had everything else in place that sex would get better naturally.
over the past 30+ months of marriage we've had sex a total of 10 times, and most of these encounters i believe have been 'pity f@$ks' (please pardon my language). i've tried to talk to him about it in so many different ways, lovingly, angrily, sadly, threateningly, and each time he promises to change, to try harder, to quit cold turkey and never look back, but would go right back to it, sometimes even a couple of hours after our emotional discussions. he even told me once that the reason he's off sex is because i've put on 10lbs since our wedding and have small breasts which he doesn't find attractive in a woman (and he's about 30lbs overweight – not that i care, but the double standard kills me).
once i even threatened to smash our laptop if i found that he had visited porn sites (a big deal for us as we use the laptop for almost everything and right now can't afford to get a new one), and he found a way around it, by looking up random facebook photos of random 'hot chicks' – and then claiming it's not the same as looking up porn! i was/am so crushed that this wonderful seemingly loving man that i've married and pledged my life to in front of God and our families, could try and deceive me and himself so blatantly.
last week he was sitting next to me looking through his camera, and i actually saw him zoom into a picture of his cousin sister's breasts. his cousin sister!!! that was really the straw that broke the camel's back, i was so heartsick i could've died. i waited until we were alone and calmly confronted him about it, and to my surprise he cried and admitted that he had a problem, that he sometimes feels like an addict who steals from his parents to feed his habit, that he feels that the devil has tempted him and he has repeatedly given in and moved far away from God. it felt like a breakthrough for us that he could admit that much, and i am hoping and praying it is the start of his (and our) road to recovery. i'm sad to say that he's broken my trust so many times that a part of me is afraid to believe his words, and even now i'm bracing myself for him to falter again.
i believe in God, and that my husband and i are meant to be together, that we're supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin, but going through this over the past couple of years i have felt so broken and been so tempted to throw in the towel on our relationship.
i'm sorry i've ranted, i just want to share a wife's perspective, and thank you Alex for all the material you've put on this site, i will pray for a full recovery for you and everyone who needs it.
I will certainly read all of your articles. I am so glad that I have found your help, as other websites on the Internet have left me in despair. I think this is such a common addiction and there is such little help for it. I apologise for not being able to donate, but I am a teenager with out the ability to do so. Keep up the good work, you are helping a lot of people.
Thank you so much Alex.
You are a true blessing to me! I started all of this at a VERY young age. I have been a Christain since the age of 4 and yet I have wallowed in this soon for I don't know how long. Nobody knows about it except me and now I can change this without having to humiliate myself further. Dear Jesus, I pray for all of those who suffer in this. Give them strength and bless Alex! Amen
thanks dude this really had an impact on me and im on the road to recovery im still struggling but its awsome to know that im not the only one
you're such a great man!
thanx for your help =)
I respect your efforts. I have saved your 23 articles recovery course and I am reading an article each day. You have helped me gain insights and for that i am utterly thankful
.
I am an addict myself and i would like to think that i am recovering. Educating myself regarding this issue helped me a lot in defying it.
I am working on a book myself and gathering information from many sources and your website is simply amazing; quite insightful.
Thank you. You deserve the best
.
This is an issue I have tried to beat on my own and failed at for many years. At first, like many addicts, I did not even recognize that this was an actual addiction. Then I found myself spending more time in porn and less time in life until life was less important than finding time to spend with porn. There were periods of months at a time where I really thought I had it beaten on my own, but I always gradually drifted back to the habit. Now I know that I ma true addict and I have a real problem that I need help with. I have a good relationship that I really do not want to lose, but I know she is just a hair away from being through with me, and I really do not wish to suffer those consequences. I know that a number of recovery programs state that if you do not seek help for your own reasons you will fail, but I must do this for both of us. I need to get this habit/problem out of my life for good. I found a local counselor who is specially trained in sex and porn addiction and am hoping to start counseling this week if he has any openings.
I know how hard this can be to break because I am living it. It is destroying the only good relationship I have ever had, and I cannot allow that to happen. For others out there who think that this is a "victimless crime," or a safe thing to do, consider this: would you be ok if someone announced this behavior we have at our jobs? to our families? to our kids? It was a large bombshell of a revelation to have dropped on me, but she was absolutely right about it… I would be mortified and unable to ever show my face anywhere again. I realize that probably was not a "supportive thing" to say to me, but the truth is still the truth.
I want to be able to look my partner, and anyone else for that matter, in the eye and say I do not have a problem with porn anymore. I am hoping that this site, the people on it, and some professional counseling will help me be able to make that statement truthfully.
Alex, thank you for this course, I used to be addicted to pornography and am still at a very young age. I still have lots of temptations but i have found that religion has helped me the most. If you are religious and you watch pornography and masturbate and live in sin and lust and desire, you feel horrible all the time and you feel like youve failed god. I actually attended an apostolic pentecostal youth camp service and the preacher talked about how the devil plays on your weaknesses (lust for me) and makes you desire it,and be tells you that you are gone and don and that God cant use you, but he spoke about how god will not give up on your and that he can forgive anyone for anything. He also talked about how God is still reaching for people to save them and forgives all sin. As a porn addict trying to feel love and hope for redemption and the power to stop viewing porn, i found his words so wonderfull and the spirit of the lord was so strong in the church. I guess what i am trying to say is that if anyone is addicted to porn or if their life is at the bottom and they feel broken, they should reach out to God. The apostolic pentecostal christian church in any area should be able to help and encourage you in your need to stop your addiction. Any church for that matter, as long as yiur find a good church with good people they should be able to help you find the love and hope you need, from God or friends who will not judge you. Alex keep up what you are doing, helping others is a noble cause and ministry. Pray for me, to stay strong where i am now, and i will pray also for the peopld bound by sin. God bless you!
great website. you're a good person–thanks for the help!
This is amazing, just started reading. Thx a lot. Greetings from Holland.
no word can describe my happiness of this course thank u for this I wish for u heaven whenever i pray I was so Frustrated from leaving this habit but u brought hope to me millions of thanks for u
Thanks for the imformation on this i really appreciate it
First day at home alone. I made it through a terrible and long craving today. It was hell and I almost gave in, but I am through for now. Life looks good right now and I feel like I can take on my next challenge today – move forward today… one day at a time, right.
thanks so much alex. this site youve created is really helping me out. thanks.
You are very dumb if you don't take this Free online Course!
SO MUCH INFORMATION! SO MUCH MIND FOOD!
IT IS THE FIRST PROCESS OF RENEWING YOUR MIND
AND TRANSFORMING YOU TOO THE RIGHT DIRECTION!
If you want to stay in bondage to Pornography and to this Neuro-Drug Addiction then DON'T TAKE
THIS COURSE!
…Because it will certainly break a whole into
the stronghold of your Addiction.
This course really helped me.
If you are dealing with pornography, and seeing your life, sex life, or even your relationship falling. Then, this course is for you. Pornography didn't bring nothing but troubles.
I highly recommend it, even for sobers.
Thank you Alex, for changing many people's lives.
Please help yourself. Many good things are waiting for you.
Hi all,
Thank you for your feedback! Few replies from me:
1. I don't think it is a good idea for a married man to be looking at porn, when he's wife is not OK with it.
2. I glad this information is helpful but remember it is not a magic bullet. Try to find what works for you
3. If you feel like you are going to get a panic attack I think it is a good time to take a break, probably not just from this site, but from internet in general. That being said I hope everything is ok with you now.
i feel like im going to start crying i just finished reading this chapter I feel like I am going to have a panic attack
I have watched porn my whole life. Habitually. I fear that it has changed my sex life forever. I am going to check this out because now I am afraid of what will happen to my relationship.
BLESSED! THank you so much for doing this!
this really helps
I have been following the suggestions on this site and it works well. I have not looked at any porn for 2 weeks and slowly getting my brain to re-wire. The suggestions here work well.
I am doing other practical things and so far so good!
Thank you for the information. Very useful.
My Husband is addicted to porn, but claims that he is not aroused by it, that he never even gets an erection, and that it has been years since he masturbated to it. Could this be true? I want to believe him, but I find it hard to believe. If it weren't the sexual desire and the results that porn provide, why would he be addicted to it? He says that it just pops into his mind and he cannot stop thinking about it until he looks at porn. Alex, you have helped me to feel a little better about all of this, but what do you think…is he just not telling me everything?
no erection? I seriosly doubt it.
Thanks for this site from the bottom of my heart. I am trying to be understanding and a friend to my husband as we work through this and it is such a hard complicated situation. I am angry and critical but know that doesn't help so I am looking for answers/help. This is really challenging the relationship and I don't feel like being intimate with him anymore. But that doesn't help either, it is just how I feel. I don't want him with a head full of a host of porn images and I think I should have that right but I know it sounds like blackmail. It's not what I'm trying to do, just really don't want porn in my life and in his head when he's with me. And it is still my life even though I am married isn't it? Not really. I have to figure out a way to be close to him again or our whole family will go down the drain. So, again. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for this site. I really hope he and I can get some help reading it. Take care and good luck to feed the right wolf and all reading this site!:)
I know how u feel my husband and I have been married for 5 years and I found out about his addiction maybe 3 years into our marriage. It was a shock to me because I thought that I was pleasing him in every way. It made me not want to be intimate with him anymore. I got over that because I trusted him like a wife should trust her husband and believe he was done with it. well i was wrong a couple of weeks ago I found out that he had started watching it again not just on the internet but on his phone as well. I love my husband and I want us to make it. I really need some help. I pray that this help us.
I just wanted to re-assure everybody that this site is not going to go anywhere, at least as long as I am alive.
There is currently a very small member base on our forum, so please sign up and participate. Your input will be important to others who who also signed up.
There's a wealth of free info avail on this site.What I can't understand is the " sparse " number of members on the support board ? I would join up-but am afraid of it's eventual demise ? ( I hope and pray that it is not so..)
Maybe this site could partner with another kindred site,so as to preserve all the materials Alex has so painstakingly assembled for those afflicted.Thanks again Alex for unselfish acts of kindness
Thanks for information. Its really, really good. One problem is that when you feel that you have broken the addiction, then you feel you don't need the ERP and cards and so on. So, its tough to keep going, but this really works.
Thank you to everybody for your comments, they mean a lot to me!
And to Wife of an addict, my heart goes out to you! I've shared your comment with my future wife, and we share you pain and know exactly what you are going through.
Please take heart and remember, that there is a way out. It will not be quick, and it will not be painless. But I believe that both of you are going to walk out on the other side much happier than you were before.
There are some great resource both on this site, and on many other good sites around the internet as well as in the real world. Make sure to use them. And remember, our society was poisoned by the new technology, and most of us had no idea of the effect that it could've had on our live. But now when the denial is broken the true healing may begin.
May God bless you!
This is an excellent course to deal with a very real conflict that goes on in a lot of men. I highly recommend it.
Alex, honestly I had your complete "recovery course" downloaded the pdf, before you started emailing me regular lessons. I just let it go not completely knowing where you would take it with the emails. I didn't thoroughly read every word, or do all of the exercises, but like you said "take what works for you" and leave the rest. Well every little bit of input is helpful, your course is free, and you seemed sincere. I like your course and the information and links that you added. I think it is valuable, and would recommend it to anyone struggling for recovery. I believe you have some very good and effective material. I have seen the Candeo course before, and may yet consider it. I am evolving in my own perceptions and actions. I thought your experience with 12 Steps was interesting, but I don't see that happening for me. I have some very stable and reliable resources that I utilize regularly. I think you have done people a good service with your recovery course download. Like I said, I downloaded it before you started emailing me. I think if someone is to get the emails too it could reinforce the course, and is a several week reminder to stay engaged. Hope this helps. Thanks.
Alex,
I am the wife of a recovering addict. I have only known about his addiction for five days now. My first reaction to this discovery was immediate feelings of anger, jealousy, complete shock,a certain disgust towards him but mostly myself, and the feeling of embarrassment. I have heard about people having addictions to pornography, but I never felt that I had any reason to research this topic. To tell you the truth, I actually thought that people couldn't be addicted to pornography. Immediately, he told me that I do "satisfy" him, that he felt really dirty after he watched the material, he also said that when he does it he actually feels like he is not there (like he becomes someone else until he is done, and then reality hits him). This information, to me, seemed impossible. I couldn't understand how you can be disgusted by something and be aroused to the point of obsessive masturbation all at the same time. My husband and I have only been married for 8 months. I am 26 years old, and he is 25 years old. Ever since we met, we have had an extremely GREAT relationship. I mean that whole heartedly. We never argue, we never fight, basically we have the type of relationship that just seems "too good to be true".
So, when I discovered this addiction it hit me like a ton of bricks. In this past five days, I have only slept about 3-5 hr's in each 24 hr period. I spent a great deal of that time researching his web history. At this point, my trust in him was completely gone. He lied to me about the amount of pornography he watched, he lied to me by saying most of the time he didn't masturbate to it, instead he would just be aroused by it, even after admitting that he was addicted. When I confronted him about these new, unnecessary lies he finally started to confide in me. But,I found myself constantly assessing our future, wondering if I should be selfish and take "the easy way out" since I am not the one with the addiction. Luckily, last night I was feeling so overwhelmed and curious that I googled the words " How to know if my husband is addicted to pornography". I was stunned by all of the links that came up. I have read so many different articles about the facts, opinions, and how to help him. Now I know that he is telling me the truth, and how serious and common this addiction is. I stumbled upon your story, and for the past 4 hours I have been reading every single word of your experience. It has helped me identify his addiction,and prepare myself for the possible situations that may occur on his road to recovery. I am so much more confident in my ability to be really helpful to him, and to get the feelings of jealousy and anger towards him completely out of my system. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I would definitely suggest this site to each and every spouse of an addict. I think that it is just as important for the spouse to be educated on this addiction, as it is for the one who is addicted to read and gain more knowledge on how to overcome his addiction. I am bookmarking your site for my husband because I know this will help him now and in the future. Thank you so very much!
hi. I understand how you feel. Here is what I have done to stop this. 1) prosaic. Prosaic has helped me replace my addition. 2) fasting. I fast 24 hours or more once a week. I was surprised that this worked. The weaker the body the stronger the spirit. 3) exercise. Daily run or brisk walk in the morning or evening with your spouse. 4) Go to bed. dont stay up late and keep the computer off. 5) focus. focus on your family and friends. 6) breathe deeply when you feel and urge. Lastly, I have been free from this addition for about 60 days and I feel calm and happy and I am not a slave
Thank you for the help. You got me started on the road to recovery. knowing I am not alone in itself is so helpful and comforting. Thanks Alex! I say that every day.
Thanks you so much for making this site and proving the information for free. It has changed my life.
This site is a miracle, I so appreciative for what you are doing here Alex. I am starting immediately!
Thanks for this.. I don't know if any of it will work but it's cool that there are people out there that are trying to help other people with this kind of thing.
Kind and effective. What else can I say?.. Definitely KIND.
I would just like to say that the emails from Alex have been so helpful to me well that is an understatement as I didnt know which way to turn,reading them made me not want stop and wait for the next day but it was a great way as it gave me time to take it all in ready for the next time the excersises help and it has kickstratedme in to looking at other areas.Also the personal feel of the email was good it made me feel like it was friend helping me and not a total stranger.For Alex to do this after what he was going through was so thoughtful and to turn it round and help others just shows what a kind person Alex is,Iwill carry on this good work as I need to and its the best way to show my thanks
Regards
Steve
Dear Alex,
Thank you very much for the course. Having it parceled out over time helped me to digest the material. Actually, I am still in a process of digesting it, and I will go back over your e-mails again. There is no harm at making the info. contained in the e-mails immediately available on your website as long as people still take the course. You may want to keep a strong suggestion for the "parceled-out" course format.
Recommendations for Improvement:
Each mailing had a few minor grammatical errors. These errors did not take away from the course content. But having them corrected would help your course look professional. In the context of the delicate issue of addiction, it is important to have the full trust of your audience.
Your motivational statements for ERP could be improved. Many of your "30 Reasons to stay sober" were very helpful for me. But some of them are just downright negative. E.g. #24 "If I continue to use, I will loose everything." #27 Remember the look on my girlfriend's face when I used…" I once heard someone say at an SA meeting that "scare tactics" never work. My experience is that it is important to constantly stay focused on the positive. Telling addicts the bad consequences never works. The only hope it to point out the beautiful possibilities of recovery.
How do you feel about having to repeat "I am an addict" over and over again at 12 step meetings? This seems to me to be bad programing for my subconscious mind. I personally think that there should be better way to get humble and open to the help of God and others.
Conclusion:
I am extremely grateful for the work that you have done. Your course material was beneficial to me and it will continue to be so in the future.
Sincerely,
John
St. Louis, MO
It is good to be positive but unfortunately the negative ones :’u listed are the truth. They were not intended to cause a negative reaction I’m sure. Sometimes hearing that you could loose your entire family makes a person realize how big of an addiction this is. It took my husband hearing he was about to loose me to realize that he had an addiction. Not all people respond the same to negative.
Alex thank you so much for your help I'm grateful that God led me to your site, I found the course extremely helpful and I think it would be good idea to post the info on your site, may God bless you and help you as you continue to bless and help others =).
u're a very kind person
thank u so much